The Final Push is the Most Painful...

Salut! Hola!

Today is April 25, 2009. In 12 days, I will have taken my last final of undergrad :0, :), and :(. Graduation is May 17. I just cannot believe it. After years of talking this day up, it's here and it's approaching faster than I expected.

So with that in mind, we're in a recession. A recession that I'm refusing to participate in...with no job after graduation (lol). That is probably the single most factor of stress in my life right now. I'm going to have a Penn State degree and have no job. I'm going to have a Penn State degree and still have no clue as to what I'm supposed to be doing exactly. Up until Thursday, I was crying and yelling at God (I know...I really feel bad) about how frustrated I was. I'm taking 24 credits this semester and schoolwork is getting to me. I'm trying to have a decent GPA so when I apply to grad school later this year, someone will actually want me in their program. All these things have been sloshing around in my head and I was, for lack of more accurate phrasing, headed towards a breakdown. I had begun to withdraw from everyone and I was sleeping (definitely not in a restful way) and eating my life away. I was bad.

But my daddy (and oh how I thank God for a man of God in my life) reminded me of something. When a woman's in labor, the most difficult moment is the last push before the baby's out. That is the point of the most intense pain and stretching, the yelling, the screaming, the crying. But the joy that comes after that...WOW. And I've just resolved myself to the fact that these little things are labor pains. Graduation is the birthing of a new part of my life but it definitely will not be easily won. I'll appreciate the joy even more because of the pain.

And that's with most things in life...would we really appreciate things if we didn't have to go through a little? Would I appreciate my house that much if we hadn't first lived in a small apartment? Would I appreciate my degree if I hadn't had to work this hard to get to this point? Would I appreciate salvation if the Lord didn't allow my sin to expose how wretched and broke down I am without Him? I'm going to say "no". And I'm going to appreciate the struggle! I'm going to recognize that whatever the Lord has in His plans for my life, seeking Him can only increase my chances of knowing these things, not decrease. So, I guess the only thing to do is to wait on God at this moment and trust that He is working, even through the pain and even through my inability to see Him.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." --II Corinthians 12:9-10

For the People,
Ash B.