Somebody'S Watching You

Somebody'S Watching You
by Sly and the Family Stone

pretty pretty pretty as a picture
witty witty witty as you can be
blind cause your eyes see only glitter
closed to the things that make you free

ever stop to think about a downfall
happens at the end of every line
just when you think you’ve pulled a fast one
happens to the foolish all the time

somebody’s watching you (4’xs)

games are to played with toys etcetera
love is to be made when you’re for real
ups and downs are caused by life in general
some are yours no matter how you feel

shady as a lady in a mustache
feelings camouflaged by groans and grins
secrets have a special way about them
moving to and fro among your friends

somebody’s watching you (4’xs)

live it up today if you want to
live it down tomorrow afternoon
sunday school don’t make you cool forever
neither does the silver of your spoon
the nicer the nice the higher the price
this is what you pay for what you need
the higher the price the nicer the nice
jealous people like to see you bleed

somebody’s watching you (4x’s and fades out)

STAND!

I don't care what anyone says.....Sly and the Family Stone spoke TRUTH.

STAND!
By: Sly and the Family Stone

Stand
In the end you'll still be you
One that's done all the things you set out to do
Stand
There's a cross for you to bear
Things to go through if you're going anywhere
Stand
For the things you know are right
It's the truth that the truth makes them so uptight
Stand
All the things you want are real
You have you to complete and there is no deal
Stand. stand, stand Stand. stand, stand
Stand
You've been sitting much too long
There's a permanent crease in your right and wrong
Stand
There's a midget standing tall
And the giant beside him about to fall
Stand.
stand, stand Stand. stand, stand
Stand
They will try to make you crawl
And they know what you're saying makes sense and all
Stand
Don't you know that you are free
Well at least in your mind if you want to be
Everybody Stand, stand, stand

Doing my best to continue to stand.

A. B.

DADDY'S GIRL

I am a Daddy's Girl....I mean, a Daddy's girl to my heart! I love that man listed on my birth certificate as my father. We're extremely close. We talk everyday...several times aday and I doubt seriously that I'd get tired of talking to good ol' GB. He's stamped me....anyone can look at me and see that He's clearly my father. Ther older I get, the mote I appreciate his wisdome, intelligence, humor, and LOVE (among other things). I love him because he takes care of me and truly has my best interest at heart. This is the way God designed for it to be. And plenty of people have probably heard me express the sentiment that if anything ever happened to my Daddy, life would be hard to live. He's just that important to me.

And now I parallel that to God the Father. I SHOULD love Him to my heart and tell everyone my adoring sentiments towards Him. But sometimes my selfishness blocks me from loving Him as I should. He's close to me but my heart is far from Him. My lips (words) are closer to Him but I'm living for the day when my heart surpasses my words in my relationship with Him. We should talk everyday but I might skip a day...or seven. He, too, has stamped me...it's just that I can choose whether or not to display His stamp. People should be able to look at me and tell that I am His but....it doesn't quite happen that way all the time. The more mature I get, I SHOULD appreciate His WISDOM, OMNIPOTENCE, OMNIPRESENCE, LOVE, etc. but the problem is that I'm more comfortable being at a standstill in the maturation process. And without Him, there'd be no life, PERIOD. So even though, naturally, I'm a daddy's girl, I'm striving to be a Daddy's girl. I'm striving to be more like The Father (God) everday. Just as with my natural daddy, I'm striving to make Him proud. I'm striving to move beyond "father" because that doesn't denote relationship. "Daddy" screams relationship. And because that's what HE desires more than anything, it draws me to desire it for myself. I just want to be a DADDY'S GIRL.

For the people.
Ash B.

Faithful is Our God!

So...we took Brandon down to Hampton this weekend because he's in this 5 week Pre-College Prep Program. He's settled in and having a good time, thank the Lord. It's not that he wouldn't it's just hard to explain how we were feeling.

Brandon is like everyone's baby. He's the child that everyone expects to stay in high school for the rest of his life. Not saying that he's a bad student or anything to that extent but you just never expect him to grow up, and not this fast. I must confess, i was extremely worried about B going to college. He's not the most responsible and tends to forget things. I'm guessing that's typical 18 year old boy behavior. My mother was getting extremely frustrated with Hampton because of the lack of clarity and therefore the abundance of confusion. We even thought about checking out one of the branch campuses of Penn State for him. Well, Friday rolled in and we had to take him down. We got down there, checked him in, and went to find his dorm. Great. Smooth sailing. His dorm isn't the best but that's not what this entry is about so I'll spare the gory details. We went to a mandatory meeting, went out to dinner, etc. He stayed with us the first night. Saturday was pretty similar but I really don't feel like bustin' out all those details. SO on to Sunday. Brandon's dorm director is a man named Elder Raymond Cullen. When Mommy and I first met him on that Friday night, we were waiting for Brandon to come downstairs so we talked to him for a few minutes. He was a nice guy. Brandon went to church with him on Sunday under strict instructions from my father. After church, he comes over to talk to me and my parents. Wow! Let me tell you how God hooked this thing up! God set my brother up with someone who has a kindred spirit with my family and is reminiscent of my father. God knew that would be something Brandon would need. Elder Cullen spoke highly of the way Brandon spoke about us, telling us it was definitely not the norm. He also spoke highly of how my parents raised us. He looked at me and said that God had something big in store for both Brandon and I BUT this came with a Word of warning. He told us that testing time is coming and specifically for Brandon, that God was going to do a precision incision. He said that Brandon would bleed but in the end, he would thank God for the blood (in both senses). He told us to get ready and not to blame everything on the devil. When Jesus went into the wilderness, He was led by the Spirit into a time of testing. The same thing goes for us. God will sometimes lead us into a time of testing and allow us to be in wilderness situations. That thing blessed my soul! And he was really able to just pour into my father as the man of our house and as a pastor. He was such a blessing and a God-send. So my family was able leave there reassured that God was completely in control and that he knows exactly what he was doing. God is indeed faithful!



Instances like this always call me from fact to truth and cause me to realize God's truth over man's facts anyday. I thank God that He remains in control, no matter what things look like. And i thank Him even more than He chooses to show us that He's still in control

Rebel Is Me

Standard...
no one knows the meaning of that word anymore
and while we walk around singing riffs off Tye's cd
and trying to impress whoever we see,
fashionably,
we fail to realize that many of us
are cat-walking straight to hell.
We live anyway, we give anything
we refuse to live the standard
and adjust ours to meet HIS.
So I'm saying this now...Rebel is Me.
I refuse to live life without a cause,
satisfying my flesh with faulty solutions,
apathetic to the Savior and my daily crucifixion of Him through my life.
I refuse to give my body to any man before God has sanctioned it,
to allow someone to be that deep into me,
that we both deeply drag our souls through the mire of sin.
I refuse to let my words bring shame to His name.
I acknowledge that He created me so intelligently
that I can express myself better than throwing expletives around.
I refuse to pollute my body
because really, who wants used goods?
And after all the abuse, what good could it do?
I refuse
to let anyone bully me into believing that I'm too radical or hype
none of them saved my life
with a promise of a hope and a future bright.
A rebel saved me,
his cause gave me a cause
and now I'm a rebel
because I not only shun the norms, I live above them.
Want to know what a rebel is, watch Him.
Want to learn how to be a rebel, learn with me.
And though I'm not what I shall be,
I claim rebel is me
because He's constantly perfecting that thing in me.
Til He comes back and my cause is won,
my hands are weary, and my body worn
but my heart will be perfect and my spirit incorruptible.
The feeling on that day--insurmountable.

"I will give him the honors of a victorious soldier, because He exposed Himself to death. He was counted among the rebels. He bore the sins of many and interceded for rebels." --Isaiah 53:12 (NLT)

For the People.
Ash B.

Trailblazer

May He be glorified.

Trailblazer

"Make straight the path of the Lord,"
he cried.
It was a voice from the wilderness,
a man of tenderness
yet labeled rough by the circumstances around him.
To realize
through his eyes
that he was blazing the trail for the PRIZE
from the heavenly skies,
he did it with pride.
And there's no way that you could convince me otherwise
that John the Baptist's occupation is where
God is calling me to be.
You see
God has been beckoning us to be
oxymoronic purposely
to be in the world not of it
to stand out in this generation not above it
to be accountable not standing and asking "Whodunit?"
to shine like stars and be tasty like salt
to disregard the sin and surrender to Him our faults
to be cunning as a snake and humble as a dove
showing this world what it means to love Love
showing this world that Love loves on them
and not just sit in a church and learn your favorite hymn.
Hymns don't win souls and neither do church members
He's calling for, He's looking for
someone DIFFERENT
creating impact,
not dodging contact,
but facing the facts,
and accepting the truth.
In a day and time when everyone cries unique
everything looks the same to me, the prospect is bleak.
Unique is opening up your mouth
to cast away the cynic's doubts,
but even more than that
Unique is opening up your life
to let the Savior's light blaze bright.
The commitment is life or death,
get your heart ready and make sure your mind is set
because being a trailblazer is more than signing up for a committee
being a trailblazer is giving your life
for THE CAUSE.

2008 A. Burton

Lord, make me a TRAILBLAZER for your Kingdom on Earth so that I might get to Your Kingdom in Heaven. For the people.

Philia Love,
Ash B.

a Hope AND a Future

Wow. It's really been a month since I've written on here. I need to get my game up....seriously. Being back in the United States has been pleasant. Of course, I'm glad to be back with my loves (Daddy, Mommy, and B)...and it's been a decent experience seeing my friends (old, new, and unwanted..lol). But God is still great! I think now more than ever do I appreciate the chance to just be able to go to another country for 5 months and live and learn and be pursued by God. I'm only 20, and through God's grace, I've been places that my parents haven't been and my grandparents didn't know about. I visited 8 countries within 5 months....while staying afloat with a weak US Economy and strong EU economy, and while taking classes at a French institution which contributes to me seeing that Penn State diploma on May 17, 2009. I'M BLESSED! I didn't know when I left the United States on January 1 of this year what God was going to do in little ol' me. People had spoken words over my life, etc. but just in a moment of bitter honesty, I can't say that I trusted everything that was said. I can't say that I trusted God the way I know I could have. But He has once again proven to me that I can trust Him (which is something that I am painfully aware that He simply does not have to do) and so I'm grateful.

We've had revival this week. God's been so gracious to us in this. And the more I see, the more I thank God for allowing me to have grown up in a ministry-minded household, in order for me to see and understand some of the ins and outs of ministry. Things came up and plans had to be changed but God provided and the people of God are still being blessed. Tonight is the last night and let me tell you, the Words have been so on point! (well for me...can't speak for no one else). You see, I'm at this point in my life where it's sooooo easy for me to look around and compare myself to everyone else. And beyond that, looking at others and comparing myself is what I'm good at (and that's a shame when I struggle with consistency in getting in my Word and being in God's presence). I mean...I'm trying to take a stand for Christ and live BETTER than I talk and it seems like I'm just lagging behind everyone else. My friends have boyfriends and cars and this and that....and honestly, looking at all that is driving me crazy. I told my Daddy on Monday that I'm ready to go back to Europe! (lol). But ever since I've been back, God's been hitting that issue right on the head. And it's a bit hurtful too. Daddy's been preaching a series out of Psalm 73 in which the musician Asaph was having some trouble because he was looking around and it seemed like all the wicked and evil people were prospering. Now, I'm not calling my friends wicked or evil. But people don't necessarily have to be evil for you to look around and wonder, "Lord, am I doing something wrong?". But he said when he came into the sanctuary, that's when he discovered their true end. So..that's been a real blessing. And then I heard on Tuesday night about a hope AND a future and last night about living life with an uneven hand. And what I'm understanding now is that God is telling me, "Ash, work with what you got. Things seem this way or that way. So and so is getting this and that. But I've given something to you. I've placed something in you." And as Pastor Blackmon said, it's about your attitude. If I can just get myself to the point where I can wait PATIENTLY on the Lord, I think I'll be alright. But I think that'd just be too easy. The struggle is just to remind me how much I must depend on the grace and mercy of our Savior. It reminds me how much, as Jerry Bridges puts it, the gospel is essential EVERY DAY for achieving abundant life through Jesus Christ. I must continue to preach the gospel to myself daily, realizing that it's not just the message I receive at the beginning of my salvation journey but it's the message that sustains me throughout my Christian journey. So I'm grateful for the promises of God...I'm grateful for the hope God has given me to get through the right now and the promise of a future which gives me hope for tomorrow. I'm excited because even though I'm me and God is God, He chooses to use someone as small as me to bring someone as big as himself glory. It doesn't add up. How can an imperfect thing glorify or magnify (make bigger) a perfect being? It's that perfect love and perfect power of the perfect being which transforms the imperfect thing into something fit for use. And I know He's still working on me....but He's faithful to complete the work He's already begun until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6). That's good news!

So...tomorrow, we take my brother down to start his summer program at Hampton University. He will be beginning his freshman year there in the Fall. God's got so many great and wonderful things in store for that big-headed boy....I mean it's so amazing! I thank God for what He's doing within my family. He's bringing us closer to each other, closer to Him, and making us stronger. That is going to equal a great force within the Kingdom of God and I just pray that we can always be depended on by God to walk worthy of the calling (Ephesians 4:1).

Anyway, I suppose I should get back to work. And we're thankful to God for the summer government job!! HALLELU!!! I've been able to really learn some things since IT is not my area of expertise. But it's making me more marketable. And hopefully this time next year, if it's what God wants, I'll be preparing to start grad school in Rotterdam, Holland. If that's not what God wants, I'll be starting grad school somewhere else (lol). But pray for me....this summer is a critical time in my life and I can't afford not to be focused. God is calling me to a place and I am still in my preparation season, plus working, studying for the GREs, and being active in ministry. So many have done it before me, I know, but it's hard to give God your best when your mind is ALL over the place. So I know that He's able to keep me from falling and on that, I stand.

Sorry...this was a really long one y'all...but for THE PEOPLE, remember you've got a hope AND a future.

Philia Love,
A. Burton

I'll Forever Be Chasing After You, Jesus!

I don't have much to say at this point, people....

I leave France for good in two weeks and God is teaching lessons up until the bitter end. One thing that is overwhelmingly clear to me at this point in life: I'm so so so wretched. Like for real. It's disgusting. I can't be consistent in anything, I'm constantly changing my mind about things, I know I'm not where God is calling me to be yet, and I'm still struggling with some of the same things that I've been struggling with for the longest time. By all human standards, I am a failure. I am a wretch. I totally agree with the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:24, "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" However, the longer I live the more I come to value the of the grace and mercy that God extends to us each and everyday. It is BEYOND COMPARE....there's no use in us trying to appraise it. If I were in God's position, I know I would have given up on me a long time ago and just completely let myself die somewhere. But He continues to beckon me unto Himself as verse 25 goes on to say, "Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

I'm supposed to be surprising my brother this week for his graduation by coming home and I do have my ticket to be on the plane. The problem comes with me getting to the airport on time. There is a real possibility that I won't make it. And I've been hoping and praying and slightly worrying about it. But what I've just had to resolve myself to is that no matter what happens, God is still in control and whatever happens, it's all in his hands. I don't deserve favor! I don't deserve for God to do anything out of the ordinary for me! Who am I but I mere mortal?? But I'm glad that when God looks at me, He sees so much more than that! He sees what I shall be...He sees the glory that He shall get out of my life once I get it together! And for that alone, I should be motivated enough to continue to chase after Him. To desire Him more and more each day! To know Him in a very real way.

So, as has been the recurring theme in most of my blogs, I will continue to strive towards the prize. I will fall and falter sometimes but I owe it to God to keep pressing on. Something me and my Daddy tell my brother when he has one of those selfish moments is "You may not care about me or yourself. But at least do better for your mother because she supports you through everything and loves you just the same." So, now I find myself swallowing hard my words but it's not to do better for my mother. She loves me and wants me to evolve into what God desires for me to be but when it's all said and done, that's not enough. I should want to do better simply because GOD has always been there for me and has loved me with AN EVERLASTING LOVE through my whole life. And He deserves so much more. SO MUCH MORE.

I'm saying this now, Lord. (and please allow my sentiments to echo the words of the song "Chasing After You" off of Tye Tribbett's new project):
"And I will go from faith to faith, from glory to glory. And I'LL FOREVER BE CHASING AFTER YOU. I'LL BE CHASING AFTER YOU. I'll never get settled. I'll always be wanting more of you Jesus."

To the people, be encouraged. God's always in control.
Philia Love,
A., Burton

Trusting You, Lord!!

You know, sometimes God just has to remind us that He's Lord. Lord over our happy times, Lord over our sad times, Lord over our WHOLE lives (that's if we actually let Him do what He does best).

Lord (n.)-a person who has authority, control, or power over others

I can't remember how many times I've been in church singing that song, "He is Lord". You know the words...He is Lord, He has risen from the dead and He is Lord. I was singing it with no power, no conviction, no nothing. I even had the nerve to complain about us singing it too often. "I'm tired of this song."--haha...thank God for maturity! But I guess I never fully grasped the complete meaning of the words. Everytime I say, "Thank You, Lord", I'm not just expressing my gratitude. I'm reaffirming the fact that I acknowledge God's authority, control, and power over my life. With that being said, I think we should never take for granted what we call our God and King. Each name means something and each name glorifies God in a different way. With that being said, on to the real part of the blog....

So, today I really thought I was going to hurt somebody in France. Like...France has been a great experience and all but the ruckus that this school puts the international students through is so ridiculous (like for real). Needless to say, God also used being over here to give me a greater appreciation for Penn State. So to Dear Ol' State, I salute you. Anyway, I was planning this big surprise for the end of this month! I mean...I was going the juggler. I wanted the reaction be tears, screaming, yelling....all THAT! I mean...it was really going to be a nice surprise. Well...I get to my lovely Oral Expression class today (and I have to say....I loved my teacher!! She's so good and great) and I find out that my final exam is on May 22. WHAT?!?!?!?!? First of all, why such a random, random day of the week? Second of all, that's not fair because that's not during finals week and they're just telling us now (I'm telling you, you've GOT to love that French organization stuff). Third of all, that's the day of my big surprise! I mean...we spent money on this surprise and now that's in jeopardy...oh no. I can't take that as my final answer. I talk to my teacher and tell her my situation and she tells me that she doesn't think it will be a problem to get them to reschedule it for me. So she tells me to go speak to the head of the department. I go and talk to her and she tells me that it's not her decision and that she would have to talk to the International Office. She tells me that it's a real possibility that they will say no but she will ask and then email me the answer. Not even an hour later, I get an email saying that the answer was no. I wanted to cry....I think maybe 4 or 5 tears fell and then I could cry no more. I wanted to be extremely upset but I couldn't get my blood to boil like I could so easily do in times past. What in the world was going on with me?!? As I was explaining my situation to my friends, I could hear how relatively calm I was and it was scary. What was going on inside of me? Was it that I wasn't that upset? NO...it couldn't have been that. This surprise was way too big for me to just brush not being able to do it off. Did I think that I was somehow being punked and that Ashton Kutcher was going to pop out from behind one of these trees with a French camera crew?? NO....highly unlikely. What was it?!?! I was calling my parents and I couldn't get in contact with them for almost 3 hours. I think that made me more upset than the situation itself. As I told my dad, I could hear the disappointment creep into his voice but as always, he told me to do what I had to do. As I was on the phone explaining it to my mom, i think about 3 tears fell and my voice cracked but then i could show no more visible emotion. I mean, inside i was definitely hurting. MY PLANS WERE BEING INTERRUPTED. But at this point that wasn't the main thing bothering me. The main thing bothering me was my calm through this whole situation. I sat down and started thinking and then it dawned on me: it was the peace of God. Now, strangely enough I didn't recognize that feeling because I don't let it rest in my life that often. My usual response is to freak out and throw a fit, get stressed and eat. But today, I was just chillin'. I couldn't even walk around looking somber (even though on the inside, I felt like crap). God had given me a certain peace about the situation. It was then that I realized that so many times we just rely on God for the big things that require faith but forget about everyday, little details. I was so busy trusting God with the seemingly huge issues in life and i totally forgot to trust Him with the things that already to seem to be worked out. Because as we all know, situations can and will change up on you. But as my mom told me, "If it's God's Will for you to be there, you will be there." So, what I'm going to do, saints of God, is to continue to trust God. The lady that we're trying to petition is known to be a hard person to deal with. My mother emailed the lady in the International Office and so we're hoping for different results but even if she still tells us "no", I know I can trust that God knows what's best and that He has a purpose for everything He allows. And it's not even like this surprise thing was bad...it really was one of the most self-less things I could do. But even in this, God chooses to allow me to see that He is Lord and that He has control. So, I'm evicting myself and giving Him His place back. We're praying for favor with her but even if God does not allow us to obtain the woman's favor, that doesn't mean we're any less favored by Him. It's all apart of His plan and I'm learning how to trust that thing so great and strong!

So I trust You, Lord. I acknowledge that you the Only One who has authority, control, and power over me, my life and my circumstances.

Luke 1:48-55 (The Message Version)
46-55And Mary said, I'm bursting with God-news; I'm dancing the song of my Savior God. God took one good look at me, and look what happened—I'm the most fortunate woman on earth! What God has done for me will never be forgotten, the God whose very name is holy, set apart from all others. His mercy flows in wave after wave on those who are in awe before him. He bared his arm and showed his strength, scattered the bluffing braggarts. He knocked tyrants off their high horses, pulled victims out of the mud. The starving poor sat down to a banquet; the callous rich were left out in the cold. He embraced his chosen child, Israel; he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high. It's exactly what he promised, beginning with Abraham and right up to now.

To the People: Make Him Lord. Trust Him.

In His Favor and Under His Lordship,
Ash B.

hollywood DREAMS...Follow Your Heart...

...yeah right! I'm a girl who's way over fairytales, honey! Plus, that's not biblical. The older I get the more I realize...your heart can lead you to do some crazy things.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." -Proverbs 4:23

Ok...I've ALWAYS been one to love a good sappy, romantic movie. There's nothing like sitting at home, eating some chips, and cozying up with your blanket for a nice chick flick (as some of my friends refer to those type of movies). What can I say? I'm a romantic at heart. Whomever my husband may be (if marriage is what God has planned for me) will have to be equally romantic. I liked to be surprised. I like to go do intellectual and unique things. I'm a different type of gal but definitely not hard to please. Ok. So the reason why I am endeared to these "chick flicks" is because there is always a sense of "that could happen to me". You know what I'm talking about. The "super hot" guy falling/coming to the rescue for the geek or the overweight woman or woman in an unhealthy relationship already. I love it. Why? Because I always feel like I'm looking in a mirror when I see the profiles of these woman character's lives. The disgust with where life has them right now, the unhappiness with the way they are/were made, the longing for something more, the hopelessness this mean world can throw at a girl. I'm familiar with all those feelings and to be able to sit there and see these women get the "super hot" guy in the end makes me feel like a million bucks. It gives a sense of hope....almost like "if it can happen to them, it can happen to me."

Gotta love HOLLYWOOD.

God has created each of us with a natural desire to be loved, to be wanted. It is what makes us having a relationship with God so right....God is the only one who can complete satisfy (exhaust) that desire. The problem comes in with the people and places we resort to in order to fulfill the desire to be loved or wanted. The heart is such a delicate organ yet it is so intense. It is so vital. We all know that if our hearts stopped, we will be no more. It doesn't just sit there and beat...it pumps blood through the arteries. It is a crucial part of us. The heart is more than this though. The heart is the universal symbol of love. When people are in love, it's not uncommon to hear someone say, "(so and so) has my heart." When we know a good person, we're inclined to say that they "have a good heart." The heart is just super diverse and absolutely needed. I would think after examining those things we'd understand why our Heavenly Father took the time to warn us about our hearts. But not too many people are understanding that too well these days (me included). We are told to guard our hearts. And we're not just to guard them but to make it a priority to do so. Now, I'll admit that I've given my heart away a few times. One time, I gave my heart and my mind away (ha...double-whammy). That situation almost killed me (literally) and that was when God had to really start from the beginning and break down this thing with my heart. You see, the heart is the one of the places on you no one can physically touch (unless in surgery or something but work with me here). God created it and tucked it neatly behind skin, flesh, and a beautiful rib cage. Perhaps this could be the first sign of God's intent. Then we can look at the heart's function. It gives life to the body. If one were to literally give away their heart, they can no longer live (clearly). Even with all these wonderful characteristics of the heart, we are admonished in Jeremiah 17:9 that the heart is deceitful among all things. That means that following your heart....not such a good idea. Sorry Walt Disney. Sucker-punch Hollywood. ok..so why? I know that's the question now. Proverbs 4:23 tells us that it is the wellspring of life or another version says for out of it flows the issues of life. That means your values, beliefs, truths, lies, etc., they all begin with your heart. Thus, when we accept salvation, it's equally important to confess with our mouths as it is to believe with our hearts (Romans 10:9). A common religious saying is that this is allowing Jesus to live in your heart. If the heart is Jesus' resting place, why are we giving it to other people? I'm convinced because we open the door of our hearts to Jesus and just talk to Him at the door instead of inviting Him in. And because we do that, there is a void left which is the one Jesus is supposed to fill. The answer can be right in front of us, friends, and we can be missing it all along. So we go through life trying to fill that void. We give our hearts to others hoping that they can at least ease the feeling of emptiness. And as we continue to live, we find that it's only temporary. God has placed within each of us, not only a capacity to be loved and wanted, but the capacity to love others. While I'm not telling anyone never to fall in love, it should be within the right context. Knowing God is knowing LOVE in it's purest form. Allowing that love to fill your heart will increase your capacity to love. Not only will it increase your capacity to love but it will discipline your heart to love the way God intended for it to. God ordained love and He ordained marriage and when God places a man and a woman together as husband and wife, if they are receptive, He places in them a capacity to love each other deeply because they will be mini images to each other of God's love for them individually and collectively. One might ask why I can speak so freely about such a subject being only 20 and single. Well, God has given me an AWESOME example of this with my parents. And God willing, one day, He will bless me with something like that of my own. BUT, as for now, I still get to stand as guard of my heart. That means I determine who I let in. I've discovered that I can no longer afford to give away my heart. It's too costly and why would I give something that isn't mine in the first place?!? That's pretty rude, don't you think?

So....I don't think I'll ever stop being a hopeless romantic. It's all around me. But one thing I now realize is that following your heart can leave you crippled and listening to your heart can leave you deaf. Guarding your heart can leave you fortified as a city. It is what it is.

Thanks for bearing with me. To the people: Guard your hearts.

Phileo love y'all,
Ash B.

All Eyes Are On You, Jesus

"Lord forgive us when we get consumed by the things of this world,That fight for our love, and our passion,As our eyes are open wide and on you.Grant us the privilege of your world view,And may your kingdom be, what wakes us up, and lays us down. I DON'T WANT TO GAIN THE WHOLE WORLD AND LOSE MY SOUL." -"Lose My Soul" by tobyMac feat. Kirk Franklin and Mandisa

I was on MySpace this morning because I wanted to listen to some gospel music without using too much of myalotted monthly gigabytes of internet here (long story). Anyway, in recent years I've been really drawn to the contemporary Christian movement/ alternative Christian movement (I'm just about through with gospel...but that's another story for another time). The first group I heard like this was a group by the name of dcTalk. I was about 12 or 13 years old in the old DC Convention Center for a Youth convention and as they blasted out an intensely different version of "Our God is an Awesome God", I stood there in tears. The front man was a young white male by the name of tobyMac. From then on, I was convinced. dcTalk does not perform anymore but tobyMac's ministry is still strong years later. The lyrics that I began this post with are from his song "Lose My Soul". The lyrics are so real and reflect where I am right now. I may not be a world renowned recording artist or even close to what would be considered popular by any means. But....we all have those things that we constantly have to fight against in order to keep us close to the cross. I've been really trying to push to stay in close to Christ because of the mere fact that I realize that He is the air that I breathe. Without Him, I exist. I do not live. Even though this is something so clear to me.....there are some things in my life with which I just STRUGGLE. We all struggle. We all have to deal with the sting of personal sin. We all can be enticed at times with what the Bible tells us is "the way that seemeth right unto men but the end leads to destruction" (Pr. 14:12). But we have a choice. We have a choice to continue to look to Jesus. You may fall but keep looking to Him. You may give in to that fleshly desire but continue to look to Him. You may give in to that wayward thought but continue to look to Him. Trying to do better but you can't seem to shake those trifling habits, continue to look to Him. Here's what the apostle Paul tells us is God's spin on the issue: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. LOOKING UNTO JESUS, the author and the finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Heb. 12:1-2)

So many of us fall back from God when we mess up. I understand the feeling....when you know you've done wrong by Him, you can't help but to be overtaken with remorse, regret, and great fear. It's natural; I would even say that it's something similar to what happens when as children we disobey our parents and are too afraid to go to them when they call for us. We must understand that when Jesus died on the cross for our sins, he did it as the propitiation for us. Propitiation is just a fancy word that means he took our place. And so when we sin, it does not surprise God. He's so good at His role as Providence that He sent His most precious possession to clean the slate BEFORE we ever graced this earth. I need someone to get the magnitude of this. Before we had the opportunity to sin, He had already made provisions so that our sins would not be the separation factor. Therefore, we do not have to experience the wrath of God. Let's not get it twisted, however; Hebrews 12:10 says "Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness." This means that just because we may not experience the wrath of God does not mean that we will not share in the discipline of God. Discipline and wrath are two separate things; sin blurs the lines between the two. Wisdom recognizes the discipline of God and realizes that it produces what verse 13 goes on to say is "a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." God still calls us to walk worthy of the calling. That will not change. When we mess up, His love for us won't change either. Therefore, friends, it is only logical that we use our mistakes as opportunities to only CONTINUE to draw nigh unto God. Press through the guilt, press through the shame, press through the self-crucifixion on to freedom in Jesus. We all are at the foot of the cross, plunged beneath that flood of Jesus' blood. Therefore, when we accept the gift of salvation, God looks down and sees us under the blood. Under the new covenant.

So...I say all that to say.....Get back in the game and get focused. A real football player doesn't quit the whole sport because he loses a game...he'll whine a little, think about what could have been done differently, and the next day he's right back out there on the field trying to make things better. You see, our Heavenly Father is not nearly as complicated as we love to make Him. I think over-complication of God in our heads is a tactic used by us to make excuses for our actions. Well, I'm tired of making excuses. It's time to be in this thing to win it. God is bigger than life, true. But here's His secret and this is why He's God. He can be bigger than life and as small and intimate as we need Him to be. Now that's complication! But not the type of complication that deflects but it's the complication that has drawn and will continue to draw countless people unto Himself.

Another blog for the people. ALL EYES ARE ON YOU, JESUS. ALL EYES ARE ON YOU.

Phileo Love,
Ash B.

Naturally....

Here's another one...hoping God is pleased. It's a bit long but...I had to get the words out.

Naturally....
copyright 2008 Ashley Burton

Naturally
I wish to see
Fulfillment of my dreams
And all the other things
I may have had in mind.
But for some reason
Naturally
My tendencies and decencies,
Insecurities and whimsical fantasies
Don’t line up with His will
So I’m stuck between
Being naturally acceptable or naturally wrong
Rarely can both coexist because
The difference between the natural and the greater of this (the supernatural)
Is too irreconcilable to clump together.
Living in a world where wrong is right and compromise is heavenly
Naturally
My view of The Father gets clouded sometimes in this
Satirical element I call life.
I want what I want and
Naturally
He gets what He wants in the end so
I’m figurin’
Naturally
It’s time to just give up trying to fight against
Destiny.
Destiny-
Where you are
Naturally
Called to be in life,
I can’t see mine too great,
Blinded by natural affections
Of sinful injections
Which turn into rejections and then inflections
Of voices during tearful reflections
And then it becomes clear….
Naturally
He knows what’s best for me
And
He owns my kismet
Yet
Naturally
It remains a challenge for me to trust Him.
Clearly He’s already told me
Put no trust in the flesh
And I’ve seen the mess
that can cause.
I just
Can’t let go because
Naturally
That’s what familiar to me.
Naturally flawed
I crawl
To His feet and ask for help
For mercy and grace when I need it most
Because that’s His Word and
He wouldn’t have put it there
Had it not been true
I read again the 4th chapter of Hebrews
And know that’s what I am to do.
Naturally
It’s a humbling thing
But again Perfection
Against the disdain of this imperfect being
Is enough for me
To
Naturally
Drop to my knees in awe
Of such a loving and gracious God
Who
Naturally
Knew me
And beckoned me
To be
His.
Not just in word but in deed
And naturally
I’m overjoyed
Because he’s given me another chance
To not sit and glance
But to plow the fields and work
To open my mouth
To cast away cynic’s doubts
About Him and His Word.
So I guess you could say
Naturally
I was born to be this way.
Forget me
I just
Naturally
Want to be with Him forever.
Through whatever
I want Him to be able to say
“You did it My Way.
Now come and
Naturally
Take part in the rest I’ve prepared for Thee.”
That’s my biggest plea
Y’all
To be more and more acceptable unto Him
Who, without fail, will be faithful
Even until my end.
Because when it’s said and done
That’s about the only thing
That to me
Is right
Naturally.

I.Walk.Alone.

...decided to try my hand at this poetry thing again after almost a 2 year hiatus....hope the ppl like it.

I.Walk.Alone.
copyright 2008 Ashley Burton

I walk alone
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I navigate through this thing called life
With the people at my side
Changing all the time
And yet when they’re here
Still nothing’s ever clear
I.Walk.Alone.

Been trying to find my voice
Something unique amongst the shouts
Something beckoning change and resistance
Something sweet and comforting in some instances.
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I.Walk.Alone.

Keep looking in the mirror
At this reflection I see
And while it’s not traditional beauty
It does just fine for Him
And in due time will do just fine for him
So I refuse to worry about which beauty standards I uphold
Because there’s nothing more beautiful than being bold
Enough to defy the tricks and the lies
After 20 years of shallow and baseless cries
I’ve come to this conclusion:
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I.Walk.Alone.

Observing the world around me
Mixture of a sense of pride and pity
Pride in this gift that the Father so wonderfully gave,
Pity in this mess that we have made,
Ask me how I feel about it and I will say
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I.Walk.Alone.

It’s not pride and it’s not fear
To me, it still isn’t clear
But the road less travelled isn’t one for popularity
And I choose to chart a course of solidarity
Though I walk alone, I walk not for myself
And in everything, I try to give my level best
‘Til the day He completes that perfect work in me
Peculiarity is what you’ll see
Don’t be alarmed by my comfortability
To be who I am without apology
Apologies take too much energy
And frankly I can’t live if I can’t be who I be
I’m telling you now this is who I am
A child of difference, unafraid to take a stand
Conformity is comfort, unique is a challenge
Mediocrity is safety, excellence is danger.
So I’m telling you now so you won’t have to wonder
This is in no way telling you to under-
Estimate me, but just so you know:
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I.Walk.Alone.

Happy RESURRECTION Sunday!!!

Ok...so everyone knows that today is Easter. It's celebrated around the world by men, women, boys, and girls. It's celebrated by blacks, white, latinos/as, Asians, Africans, Australians, etc. (you catch my drift). It's celebrated by saints and heathens, alike. Even atheists, those who proclaim that there is no God and that religion is useless celebrate Easter.

So what's your point, you might be asking. My point is...like Christmas, the world has commercialized a day that has sacred meaning for us Christians. Easter has been turned into a egg hunting, good Sunday dinner, new excuse to buy a cute outfit. All the while we forget that The Savior of the World was conquering death and finishing the purchase of our salvation. All the while we forget the pain He suffered through, the death His body had to see for 2 days. All the while we forget His sacrifice, His delight in us, His joy. I think Hebrews 2: 14-18 sums it up well:

"14Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— 15and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. 16For surely it is not angels he helps, but Abraham's descendants. 17For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. 18Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."

Therefore, being a believer in Jesus Christ and all that He is, I have no other choice to have a grateful heart. I might not get it right most of the time but I can at least show my gratitude for all that He went through, just for me. I know He died for the sins of the world but I don't have the time to think about what that encompasses for everyone else. I know what I have done, I know the things I secretly struggle with, I know about my filth. And that, frankly, is enough to love Him. That's enough to thank Him. That's enough to praise Him. Right about now, I need no one else to get happy with me because His love overtakes me. Song of Solomon 2:4 says, "He has taken me to the banquet hall, and His banner over me is love."

So to all those who like business as usual, Happy Easter. I hope you enjoyed the food and fun (and even church if you went). But for those like me, who refuse to let this day be diminished in our lives as just some other day. For those who recognize the magnitude of this day...who recognize that this day sealed the fate of those who believe in Jesus Christ (Romans 10:9)...for those who have gratefulness flowing from the inside, I say to you, "HAPPY RESURRECTION SUNDAY!"

A friend of the family had a song out a few years ago and everytime I hear it, it brings tears to my eyes. It begins by asking the questions, "How could they ever take Him to the cross? Why would they ever take Him to the cross? How could they ever pierce Him in His side?" It goes on to explain, "They spat in His face and mocked Him, and He never said a word. They placed a crown of thorns on His head and they draped Him in scarlet red. To make a sad story happy, this is what we have to say....HE ROSE THE LAMB OF GOD.....HE LIVES, HE LIVES, HE LIVES!!!"

My thoughts exactly. Another blog for the people. Let's be grateful, truly grateful.

Phileo love y'all,
Ash B.

Spend My ALWAYS with You....

You know, there just comes a time in one's life when he/she has to face the facts. And while I have been spending my time elsewhere these past few weeks than writing on here (and for that I apologize), I HAD to stop and take the time today to stop and acknowledge my Love. My First Love. This man has been there since Day 1, liking me, tolerating me, holding me, soothing my doubts and calming my fears, loving me PERFECTLY. This man is Jesus Christ. Some people can't get down with this Christianity thing but I believe the main people who can't get down with it haven't tried it. Who wouldn't love a God who accepts you flaws and all? Your eccentricities, your faults, your bad habits, your complaining, your blatant sin. WHO? Who wouldn't love a God whose love extends way beyond Himself in such a way that He commanded His Son to take on the filth of this world for people who would reject Him? My God! That's LOVE. On today, I really do not need anyone to be happy with me....I can rejoice all by myself because I know me. I might be able to fake really nice in front of everyone and paint the picture I want everyone to see, but He knows me for real. And you know what? He still loves me. He still beckons me unto Himself. He still desires to love me so deeply that I won't have to look for love anywhere else. WOW! I've told Him through my actions that I don't appreciate or need His love yet He doesn't back down. Yet, He doesn't force Himself on me...He's waiting patiently for me to get my act together. So I just had to take this time to tell Him how much I love Him and how much I wish to fall more in love with Him all the days of my life. See, you have to get to the point when you want to fall more in love with Him. It's like when you have a significant other/ spouse, unless you went into the relationship with crooked reasons, you do not want the love to diminish but to grow. Growth doesn't just come from all happy days with big smiles and tearless eyes. Oh no honey! There will be some tears, there will be some moments of extreme frustration, there will be times when the lure of something that is seemingly better comes along and you're tempted to go. But in the end, when you truly love someone, you just can't let go. You can't shake that person. And that's how we should be with God. Just because we are believers, that does not guarantee a struggle-free life. We will cry, hurt, be frustrated, and be tempted to turn our backs on God. But He's always there....He remains patient and He waits for us to return. This thing isn't as complicated as we make it, friends.



I love Him. My love isn't perfect but His is. I love Him when it's convenient, He loves me whether it's convenient or not (and trust me, most times, it's not convenient). And because I've accepted that love and I am striving to live a life that pleases Him (out of my love and devotion to Him, my Love), I will get to spend my ALWAYS with Him. Death is not my ending but my beautiful beginning. Some people say that we can't prove whether there's heaven or hell. That may be true but who can know all of God's ways? He's GOD. Plus, I'd rather be covered just in case. If you're reading this and what to experience love (because He is love), you can. This is His gift to us and it's free for all, people, free for all.

HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY! To the people: Don't forget to show God that you're grateful! Make the sacrifice to show Him that His sacrifice was enough and is revered.



"Greater love hath no man than this that He lay down His life for His friends." --John 15:13

"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, He offered up prayer and petitions with loud cries and tears to the One who could save Him from death, and He was heard because of His reverent submission. Although He was a son, He learned obedience from what He suffered and, once made perfect, He became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey Him and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek." --Hebrews 5:7-10

"Therefore, since we have a great High Priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have a one who has been tempted in in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." --Hebrews 4:14-16

Phileo Love,
Ash B.

Don't Miss the Water Until Your Well Runs Dry...

These past few days, I've really been just missing certain things in my life that were so certain that I really took advantage of them. Things like being able to go to a Bible-believing, Bible-preaching, Bible-living church. Like-minded individuals who I can encourage in the faith and who can encourage me likewise. I didn't realize that the convenience of knowing where I would be every Sunday morning and Tuesday nights for Bible Study would come to mean so much to me but it has. I never knew that I would value so much being able to walk down to Jade's dorm room or catch the bus over to Trice's place when I just needed a friend to be there. Of course, I valued these things before but when these things are gone, it's like you're missing a piece of you. Please don't get me wrong....I love being over here. I love the friends I've made. I love the things I've experienced. But I miss the of fellowship with the brethren over here. I don't particularly care for going to a church on Sunday morning out of tradition more so than dedication to God. I can go to church over here but between the language barrier and locations, it's been quite difficult. I want to make sure that I understand what they're saying...I can't just be sitting there listening to just anything. I suppose that's where the discernment that God gave me should kick in.

All-in-all, this experience has just taught me not to take God for granted. It's taught me not to take His Word for granted. This experience has taught me that I have to seek God for myself, FOR REAL. No getting spoon-fed the Word over here; I have to open up my Word and find the treasures God has placed there for me. I am glad God loves me enough to make me a Christian who is strong enough to stand completely leaning on Him. I know that's part of His purpose in putting me over here. And between me completely screwing things up and His perfect Way of getting His Perfect Plan across, I shall one day, prayerfully, be the woman He is calling me to be.

Until that time, never take for granted the mercy of God. Never dismiss His grace as mere happenstance. It's all for a reason and it's all apart of His greater picture. For the people.

Words from the chorus of Kirk Franklin's song "Hide Me" off his new project:
"Hide me, let me lay behind You because I need, shelter from the rain. Remind me, the only way my faith can grow is when You let Your winds blow. It's making me stronger now so rain, don't go away...don't go away..."

Phileo love,
Ash B.

P.S.- I don't know if she's reading this but I've got to give a shoutout to my godsister, Heather. She sent me an email a few weeks ago that really made me think. Thanks for reminding me to show God that I'm grateful. And I truly am.

Out of the Shadows... (Yo tengo, J'ai besoin de...)

It's been a minute. I'll be the first to admit it.

I was sitting in my room alone, something I've done a lot of in the past few days. There has been such a blockage in my mind over the past few weeks; how could I have let myself slip so far away from His grasp. I was doing fine....I was excited about God...I was making progress that only He and I knew about and then bam! I hit a mental brick wall. I'll be the first to admit that things hadn't been the same since I wrote the Prototype blog but had it thrown me THAT far off that I couldn't bounce back like I normally do. I tried to dust myself off and get back to business as usual but I simply could not for some reason. I consumed my time with the MEDIA...any and everything I could to distract me from the issues in my mind. I was smart enough to take this as an opportunity not to fall back into depression...but had I really? I was up and moving around...I was normal around my friends over here...the Ashley who could always be counted on to say something to send the people around me into a fit of laughter. Still comfortable in that facade, I quietly think to myself.

I'll admit...these past 2 weeks haven't been ones to bring up the fondest of memories. True, I went to Vienna, Prague, and Geneva and had a wonderful time with some great gal pals of mine. But also, within those same two weeks, I was robbed on the Metro in Prague (my new laptop...OUCH, I know), had been rejected for a summer job that I really wanted (the only reason I brought my laptop on the trip in the first place), and had a relapse into negative self-thinking. Where had all the positive energy gone? Most importantly, I had a serious communication block with my Savior. Broken and not knowing the words to say, I had been to this place many times before. The feeling is indescribable (that's a euphemism). It's definitely not one of the top 10 feelings in the world. When always found at this place before, as with this time, there never seemed to be the right words. All I could do is sit there and rationalize in my judgmental mind all the reasons why God would NOT want to hear from lil ol' me. Repeating the vicious cycle of old, I let it drive a tiny wedge between me and the Lover of My Soul. I was...ahem...am hurting, scared, and watching as life drearily passes by. True, by all other standards, I am "having the time of my life" right now. 20 years old and spending 6 months of my life in such a beautiful country with more time to get into trouble than to study. And if I went by those standards, I, too, would have to agree that this indeed is the time of my life; but you know when there's simply something missing...something that is holding you back from having your best life ever (no I haven't read that book).

That's where the Gospel comes in. Bored this afternoon, I finally picked up the book Ali had given me for Christmas, entitled "The Gospel for Real Life". I had started the book earlier in the year but for some reason for the past few weeks, stories of the Mafia (The Godfather: The Lost Years) and love (Immediate Family) had consumed my reading time. I hadn't specifically figured out my plan to reintroduce myself to God as His child who, even though I rarely get it right, was willing to try and try until I do. I figured starting to read this book again would at least give me the segway I needed. For as much as God had proven Himself to me as a loving and protective Father, friend, and more, there was still a part of me so scared to go to Him and release all my inhibitions. I have no doubt, though, that as the bond between He and I grows stronger, it'll be easier for me to see Him for who He really is. I opened the book and as I had always loved before, God had a jack-in-the-box surprise for me in there:

"Has it yet gripped you that when God looks at you today He sees you clothed in the perfect, sinless obedience of His Son? And that when He says, 'This is my Son, whom I love; with Him I am well-pleased,' He includes you in that warm embrace? The extent to which we truly understand this is the extent to which we will begin to enjoy those unsearchable riches that are found in Christ." --"The Gospel for Real Life", Jerry Bridges, Page 39

He knew exactly what I needed to hear. Not only that, He reminded me that Christ took my place. He took my place of condemnation, He took my place of punishment, He took my place of banishment from the presence of God. HE TOOK MY PLACE. Things hadn't been stellar but I still have my life. I still have another chance to make things right, another chance to find the fulfillment that only comes from being in His presence, the chance to surrender myself to the plan that is His Perfect Will.

So out of the shadows I crawl....nothing to have my chest stuck out for and nothing for which to be proud. Just humbled by the love of a God who isn't just universal but who is personal. There's no way anyone could convince me otherwise. "Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you is faithful to complete it until the day of Jesus Christ"-Philippians 1:6. His Word is His Word.

Encouragement for the people; flowing from a grateful heart to a loving God. JE VOUS ADORE.

Phileo Love,
Ash B.

At least a girl has her dreams...

"...No one else can take your place. I've been in love before but no one has ever made me feel this way. No longer on my own, I'm never alone, because you're right here by my side [Jesus]. Lord, I'm Yours..." -"I'm Yours", Men of Standard.

This gospel song entitled "I'm Yours" encapsulates what I feel right now. You know how sometimes you just get stuck and you don't know how to make it back. You know God is loving and forgiving of you being neglectful of Him but you just....feel stuck. As I've been sitting here thinking the last couple of days, I've been daydreaming a lot. Been daydreaming about the past, the present, and what I'd like for the future. I have no idea what God has in store but I know that in my daydreams, I always end up happy. I always end up smiling and I always end up with that good feeling. Perhaps, it's because I'm getting the attention I want from the "right" people or perhaps because I'm doing something I've always longed to do; either way, the outcome is always happiness. That temporary feeling a of gratification that can be here one minute and gone the next. It brings a smile to my face and then when I come to, I realize that it was all but a dream. The smile, the fuzzy feeling, the warmth is all gone. It was made up, conjured up by my vivid imagination. Hitting reality again is sometimes the hardest part....going into the daydream knowing that it's imagined doesn't hurt nearly as bad as the trip back from the imaginitive recesses of my mind. Sometimes, though, it's easier to daydream than to live in reality, no matter how hard the fall back.

That's where the difference between joy and happiness comes into play. Happiness is temporary; joy is forever. Happiness can be taken away; joy can't be snatched. Happiness is what the world offers; joy is only what God can give. The trick is distinguishing between the two; and sometimes, I must admit, it can be quite hard. You see, happiness seems to come a lot quicker and easier than joy, at least for me. Joy is found through seeking God, something that I can't seem to get right a lot of times. Everytime I get to a place where I feel like I'm getting it, I get suckerpunched in the face and the lure of happiness creeps in. But now I'm at a point in my life when I'm realizing that I can't risk joy for happiness. His joy any day could outdo any happiness on any level. His joy is my strength. He offers this joy to me through the relationship He longs to have with me. And so now there is a moment of decision: His joy vs. my happiness. Well folks, it's a daily choice. Honestly, sometimes I pick His joy and other times I pick my happiness. But as I live and as I learn, I understand more and more that His joy has a lifetime guarantee and that in the end, it will be His joy that gives me the best life possible and the best rest possible at the end of it all.

I'm just learning to be patient and trust Him y'all. I may never get it right but He is right, He is truth and so I can firmly stand on everything He's said and everything He's promised.

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through Him the "Amen" (so be it) is spoken by us to the glory of God. Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set His seal of ownership on us, and put His spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." --II Corinthians 1:20-22

"As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in JOY and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song in front before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of thornbushes will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign, which will nto be destroyed." --Isaiah 55:10-13

For the people: CHOOSE JOY. It'll save you from a bunch of ups and downs. Trust God and His plan; He'll never renig on promises and He'll never sale you short.

Phileo Love,
Ash B.

GIRL, Interrupted

"Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." --Romans 12:11-12

People are quick to throw around that scripture "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought as a child...but when I became a man, I put away childish things." I think it's one of the most misused scriptures because people first of all use it out of context and second of all, many people who say that have not put away childish things. I capitalized girl for a reason in the title. One of the things I've learned during these last couple of days I took off to throw my hissy-fit (yes, I'm being ultra-transparent), is that I am still a girl. I am 20 years old so by society's standards, I am a woman. I am physically shaped as a woman. My parents acknowledge that I'm a young woman. I will be out in the real world in a year therefore I am at least on the fast track to womanhood. I am eligible to vote, go to war and by cigarettes in the US therefore I am a woman. In France (and most European countries), I can buy my own alcoholic beverage (if I choose to but I don't) therefore I am a woman. Addressing me as a girl wouldn't be accurate by other standards clearly. But what the outside shines and what they inside hides can be two different things.

I had gotten discouraged/upset about a few things that happened last week and I decided that I was going to just throw a pity party about it. That's a pretty girlish thing to do. I felt like some people in my family were coming at my neck about something I had done, I felt discouraged about the whole idea of the Bible Study, I didn't feel like the people I wanted to support me the most were there. I don't think I even once considered how God was feeling about me. Feelings from the past started to arise again....I thought that I was going to sink back into depression. I felt alone, even in the midst of others. I felt unwanted...and the more I "spoke" on how positive I was about this new breeze of self-esteem I've had as of lately, the more I thought about how circumstances did not change. Ok...so I have a healthier outlook of myself but still no one wants me. My thoughts were along those lines. Valentine's Day is coming up and as I was sitting there trying to talk others out of feeling sorry for themselves on this man-made holiday, I found myself thinking more and more about how I would not have a valentine this year YET AGAIN. My head was swirling....how can lies and truth dwell in the same place? They can't. Light and dark can't be in the same place. Where there is light, there is no darkness and vice versa. Subconsciously, I was so used to excepting the lies that the truth had no chance. I stopped trying to combat the things I was dealing with. I stopped trying to fight off depression and sadness. Yet, something was different about this time. No matter how low I thought I would get (and I've had some pretty low times in my life), I couldn't get but so low. I couldn't just sit and wallow. I couldn't cry. I couldn't feel too sorry for myself. Deep down inside, I knew I owed it to myself and more importantly to God to accept the truth. The truth is that He loves me. No matter how many times I reject His truth, He loves me. No matter how many times I speak words that my heart doesn't believe, He loves me. No matter how many times I'm unfaithful, He loves me. HE LOVES A.M.B. Today, that is the truth my heart is willing to accept. No matter what everything around me looks like, He loves me. No matter how family and friends may act off-and-onish, He still loves me. When I spit in His face with actions that tell Him that His love isn't enough, He still loves me.

And so now that I can accept that truth, I can be uninterrupted again. I can smile because He loves me and He has my best interest at heart. And with His help, I can truly grow to be a woman in His eyes, one who is growing up in her faith and not being complacent where she is. At the end of the day, I just want Him to be pleased with me.

Thanks for bearing with me through this point of growth. No doubt, there will be other interruptions in my life. But as long as the interruptions don't turn into vacations, everything is all good. If you're reading this, be encouraged and know that even though you commit yourself to God and to being a true disciple of Christ, that doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It doesn't mean that you'll get it right all the time. It doesn't mean that you won't sin and you won't get discouraged. It means that you have the opportunity to add meaning in the greatest way to your life by pressing towards the mark. It means that you have the greatest of opportunities because you seek to honor The Father with your life and you allow Him to direct you. It means that when you do come across these times of interruption, you have security system that allows you to reboot faster and come back stronger.

TO HIM: GOD, YOU'RE SO FAITHFUL. EVEN WHEN I'M SO UNLOVEABLE, THAT NEVER STOPS YOU FROM LOVING ME. THANK YOU. YOU ARE SIMPLY THE BEST. I PRAY THAT YOU WILL CONTINUE TO SHOW ME MORE OF YOU AS EACH DAY PASSES. I PRAY THAT MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL GROW MORE AND MORE. I PRAY THAT AS I BECOME MORE SECURE IN YOU, YOU WILL ALLOW THAT TO BECOME AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO BECOME MORE SECURE WITHIN MY OWN SKIN. I CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT YOU. I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE TO MAKE YOU SO PROUD.

Phileo Love,
Ash B.

Grew Up a Screw Up....

And could never get things right. It seems like I still can't get things right. It's amazing how easy it is to get discouraged. Oh well....God is still faithful. My flow has been temporarily interrupted...be back in a few days.

Phileo Love,
Ash B.

Top Flight Security

Last blog of January '08. I look back at all God has allowed me to accomplish and it's just like...WOW. I look at where some of my friends are and it's just like....WOW. God's definitely raising up a generation that will obey, that will trust, that will love, that will honor. A generation who will not imitate the actions of the previous generations but will stand up for truth. That's encouraging, really encouraging.

This blog is not one where I have anything specific to speak on. I just want to write...and everytime I get this feeling, I write because I remember a time not too long ago when I didn't have the desire to write a sentence or phrase. I've just been having some random thoughts today....and I have to be careful with that because when I think too much, I become too analytical. I already know being analytical and being a radical for Christ don't mix...it's like water and oil. This is because as you begin to take on the mind and the ways of Christ, many things you may do will probably not make sense to the human mind. So, with that being said, I was thinking. And I was thinking about this surge of writing that I've had lately. And I began to doubt certain things like...maybe I use too many scriptural references, and maybe mine are always too long, and what if people think I'm trying to be "too deep". And then I had to stop and think....how can you use too many scriptural references?? The Word of God is what we consult for everyday things and to know how to please God. How can you talk about God and the things of God without using the Word of God?? OK. Second thing, maybe they're a bit long. This may be true (sorry, I can't help it). They're definitely not your Bible verse of the day or your Daily Bread Reading. It may take awhile to read them....but is that enough for me to shorten what I feel led to say??? My conclusion was no. OK. Third thing, what if people think I'm trying to be "too deep". Look friend (these thoughts were all directed to myself), truth is truth...if truth is too deep for some people who call themselves believers, maybe they should reevaluate where they are with Christ. I'm not saying (at all) that my words are the be all, end all but they are God inspired. Bottom line is: sometimes people don't want to hear (read) things because it brings about conviction (II Timothy 3). OK.

Now, nothing necessarily spurred these thoughts on but that's just the person I am, I think TOO much. I think for the world. I think until I become insecure. MAJOR character flaw....I know. One thing that I have to realize, and this goes back to the principle of my "Whatchu Lookin' At?" blog is that I have the right to be secure in who I am in Christ. I have the right to have confidence in Him and Him alone. "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised." --Hebrews 10:35-36. It's hard to be confident when you look at what you have/are. It's harder to be confident when you look at what others have/are. This further illustrates the point that if we look to Jesus, we have no need to worry about our confidence wavering. He is our confidence. He is our security. Insecurity has no place in the lives of believers. Ok...just had to get that in me.

In other news, God willing, I will be starting a Bible Study over here. Bless God! It started as an idea which I knew had to be greater than myself because I would have never, EVER started a Bible Study at home. I talked to a few people around here and they want it to happen, which is so encouraging. I have to continue to be prayerful about it to make sure that this is really something that God wants me to do. But I'm excited! So (if anyone reads this), please keep me in your prayers! I need them! :) I want the Gospel (the Good News) of Jesus Christ to be shared with people. I want people to experience how GREAT our God really is. I've come to the conclusion that the Gospel is still enough....aside from all the things people do to get people to hear the Gospel, it STILL has that drawing power all by itself. Thank God that I don't believe in something with diminishing value but appreciating value. Something that's SECURE. Top flight security!

Another blog for the people. Keep the faith.

"And since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our heart sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds." --Hebrews 10:21-24

Phileo love,
Ash B.

Low Down Dirty Shame...

"So then each of us will give an account of himself to God." --Romans 14:12

Ok...so I know I'm not the only one who this bothers so I won't go on and on about it. Please don't mistake my uneasiness about our (we, the believers) comfortability with living in sin as judgment. But I feel that the topics begs to be discussed (as it has been). God has called us to do better and live better. This requirement has no title on it, no special positions attached to it, it's not just for church leaders and choir members; it's for everyone. We are called to be imitators of Christ (Ephesians 5), ambassadors for Christ (II Corinthians 5). So if this is the case, which I'm assuming we all know it is (otherwise I think we've missed the point of salvation) then why do we, as believers, live such sloppy lives? Now it's is true that all have sin and have fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3). But the Bible also says in Romans 6, shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? GOD FORBID.

I'm amazed everyday when I look at some of my friend's profiles on facebook and myspace. The saints are flickin' people off in their pictures. People have one sentence about God in their religious views section and then when you scroll down to their favorite quotes, you see every curse word you've heard (putting stars or dashes in stead of letters is no better, your intent is still clear). Or you have the people who love to throw around the phrase "Only God Can Judge Me". Even though these people are absolutely correct, they have NO CLUE (I don't think) what this means. The Bible says that "For the time is come for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And 'If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?'"--I Peter 4:16-17.

And so if this be the case, then why are we living lives that are super shameful to the name of Christ? In my life, I've acted a monkey many times. If you catch me the right way now, I still might. The struggle against the flesh and the spirit is ever present. We know that. We know that it is a continual process. The Apostle Paul summed it up the best (to me), in Philippians 3:12, "Not that I have already obtained all this (as described in the previous verses), or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me." This means it'll be a day-by-day thing. God does not call us to be perfect...true. But He calls us to a live HOLY. I believe that word is so misused in the Church nowadays. Holy isn't flipping over pews and speaking in tongues. Holy isn't rolling your eyes to the back of your head and being laid out on some church's floor for hours. Holy isn't even being in every ministry and committee in your church. Those things might be alright but are no indication of where your heart is in relation to God. Anyone can dance. Anyone can roll their tongue if they practice hard enough. Anyone can go to church and for various reasons not having to do with God. Anyone can cry during a church service if they think about life long enough. Emotions don't move God. Holiness (conducting yourself in a way that's PLEASING to the Lord, setting yourself apart and dedicating yourself to use by God, distinguishing yourself from the ways of the world for the sake of Christ) moves God. Our conduct moves Him. Our sincere and contrite hearts (Psalm 51:16-17) move Him. Peace among the Brethren (other believers) move Him. RELATIONSHIP with Him moves Him. It's time to walk worthy of the calling, friends. How can we who call ourselves the beloved of God, not even know what it takes to satisfy Him? I mean, that is one of things we're called to do. That's like me getting a boyfriend and endearing myself to him without knowing what makes him happy and also what grieves him. Let's not grieve the Holy Spirit with our conduct as Ephesians 4 warns us about. Let's make a concerted effort to number one--truly get to know God (not just know of Him, but know Him and know His character), number two--know what He requires of us and what He offers to us, and number three--let's be a people of change. Talk is always fine but it takes a bigger person to take action that will bring about permanent results.

"As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as He who called you is Holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am Holy." --I Peter 1:15-16

We (not just y'all...I am in NO WAY exempt from this) have got to do better. FOR HIS NAME SAKE. Let's be the difference.

Phileo Love,
Ash B.

Whatchu Lookin' At? (Part 1)

Excuse the bad language of the title...it's just a common expression used that I think demonstrates the main point of this blog.

"My son, pay attention to what I say; listen close to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them in within your heart.; for they are life to those that find them, and health to man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk from your lips. LET YOUR EYES LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD, FIX YOUR GAZE DIRECTLY BEFORE YOU." --Proverbs 4:20-25

This blog will be focused mainly on verse 25....part 2 will deal with verse 23.

When I was younger (around elementary, middle school age), I had a core group of friends. It was the four of us. We went to church together; Barbara and I went to the same school in 8th grade. Our parents worked in ministry together. You could say that we were the best of friends, for the most part. What is very interesting to me is how at least once a year, the four of us would have this big falling out. Usually, it would start by one person saying something negative about another person in the group, and then the person who was told the negative thing would run and tell someone else in the group. Of course, by the time it got back to the person, the story had been misconstrued, pieces added and missing. Long story but I promise it has a point. I can now truthfully admit that sometimes I was the one who started the mess. Most of the time, it was out of jealousy. You see, I was the only "dark-skinned" girl out of this group of four. The other 3 were at least of a caramel complexion and were very pretty (in my eyes). I always looked at them and wanted to be their complexion, or wanted something they had, or wanted to be liked by the boys who liked them. It was always something.

So you're probably asking what this has to do with anything. Well, one thing I know I still struggle with and I know many others struggle with also is looking at others. It's almost like an unspoken competition. Will I look "fly-er" than her in church on Sunday? Is she prettier than me? Will he like her more or me? Does he write better than me? Etc, etc, etc. The list never ends. If you're sitting here thinking to yourself that you've never had these thoughts or similar ones, you're lying. Be truthful with yourself. Why do we feel the need, friends, to constantly be looking at other people? We look at others in comparison, we look to others for validation, we look at others for ideas, we look at others to see what not to do. We're so absorbed in looking at others and what they're doing and we're too concerned in how others are looking at us. It's craziness. Recently, as God has been pouring back into me my desire to write, I have been looking at other people's writing (as I would assume any writer would do...simply for the love of it). And I find myself sometimes thinking, "Lord, I can't write as good as ________." or "I don't have as much eloquence as __________." And then God has to remind me, "So He said to me, This is the Word of the Lord unto Zerrubabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit.' says the Lord God Almighty." --Zechariah 4:6. Any gift, talent, or knowledge I have comes from God. It is not for me to give it a value, it's not for me to compare and contrast my gifts with others' gifts, it's simply for me to use whatever He's given to me to His glory. If people don't understand or appreciate your gift, that's ok. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time." --I Peter 5:6. Whatever you do, follow the words of verse 25 of Proverbs 4, keep your eyes looking straight ahead. Don't look to see what BooBoo is doing....don't look to see what Pookie is wearing.....don't look to see how Pootah is writing. Just be concerned with what God has called you to do and who He's called you to be.

Last illustration (and I promise I'm done for today). I heard this from a preacher (I can't remember who. It might have been my Daddy. He says a lot of great things.). When horses race, the riders put blinders on the horses' eyes. The purpose of the blinders is so that the horses can't look to their sides, they can only look straight ahead to the course they're running. Since we, as Christians, are running a race, I would like to propose that we do the same thing. We should put on our spiritual blinders as we run the race. Only being able to look straight ahead keeps you from being easily distracted by things on the sidelines and who is gaining on you and what not. It allows you to be focused on the most important thing--the prize (Jesus Christ).

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." --Hebrews 12:1-2

Look at HIM. He's looking at you.

Phileo Love,
Ash B.

RESTORATION

Before I start this blog, I have to give a BIG shoutout to God! You truly are "the Man"! The way you do things are so incredible....who can have a mind that complex?? The way you've had my words flowing has been amazing and it's because I see you more clearly everyday. Thanks for being ever so patient with me. I'm overjoyed, over love, over You!

Ok...so....RESTORATION (a blog of healing)

I can recall a time back in 2006 when my words caused me and my family some grief. Just to summarize, I was venting about certain situations that were happening at the time (that was a tough summer) and somehow some people in our church found out about it (I'm a PK...those things can never be good). Now, while I felt justified in doing so and nothing I said was a lie, it was not appropriate. I look back at that time and I still get this knot in my stomach. How could my words, which came out of a place of hurt and pain, be used against me and cause my family EVEN MORE pain than what we had already experienced that summer. I can't remember crying myself to sleep more in my life than that summer. So many things were going on. I felt like such a failure. I had picked up a significant amount of weight in that spring semester. I felt fat and sloppy. I felt I had no voice. I developed an anger problem. It was not pretty.

So why did I feel the need to share this? As God continues to breakdown this beautiful facade, He is taking me back to specific times in my life that may have helped build this facade. The summer of 2006 tried to shut my mouth. By that I mean, after the incident with my words, I didn't want to talk anymore. I stopped writing. I couldn't find the inspiration. Everything I wanted to say was still out of an area of hurt and pain. I could not flow. I struggled and I struggled. But slowly, God has been opening that door for me again. He is being gracious enough to grant me the ability to write again. It has nothing to do with me but it all has to do with His promises. He promised that I would be His mouthpiece, His ambassador. It will happen. It is happening. The struggle has not been in vain because I have learned dependence on God. He is teaching me how to use my words for His glory and not to vilify the things in my life that have gone completely sour. As for the things that bring me issues, He's taught me how to take those things to Him. And most importantly, He's taught me to open up my mouth and speak truth to the areas in my life where I've believed the devil's lies. So for me, this writing thing is serious. I haven't had urges to write like this since MIDDLE SCHOOL. I'm so excited! And I'm so glad that God doesn't give up on us when we give up on ourselves. He continues to complete the works He's called us to (Philippians 1:6).

Another thing that was wrong before was that I wrote almost always about bad experiences. If you look through my writings from high school and my freshman year of college, most of them are based on being hurt or not feeling adequate enough. It's almost like God stopped the flow in order to revamp it to what He'd have it to be. Sick!

I'm also excited because this morning was my first time being able to share the Gospel over here. People know that I'm a Christian and they know my daddy's a pastor, yada, yada but that doesn't mean anything if you're not living right. I was talking to a new friend here who is struggling with a sense of who she is and how she looks (which is a blessing because I've struggled with that for such a long time). She believes in God but she doesn't necessarily have a relationship with Him. God opened the door for me to be able to share with her my experience. She was so touched by the convo (it was on Skype) that she told me she was going to print it out and keep it in her journal. And even if she doesn't make a definitive decision to be sold out for God while we're over here in France, I pray that the conversation will serve as a seed out of which will grow a zeal for Jesus Christ. These are the moments I live for! Translating my experience with Jesus Christ into a real, life-changing decision for others. When I tell you that God is awesome, I wish there was a better word than awesome! I'm so glad that my words now have meaning. He's simply amazing and I could definitely sing of His love FOREVER.

Take this into consideration:
" As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain. For He says, 'In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.' I tell you now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation." --II Corinthians 6:1-2

Phileo Love,
Ash B.

PLAYED! (yet again...)

"Woe to him who quarrels with His Maker, to him who is but a a potsherd among potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the Potter, 'What are you making?' Does your work say, 'He has no hands'? Woe to him who says to his father, 'What have you begotten?' or to his mother, 'What have you brought to birth?'. This is what the Lord says--the Holy One of Israel, and its maker: Concerning the things to come, do you question me about my children, or give me orders about the work of my hands? It is I who made the earth and created mankind upon it. My own hands stretched out the heavens; I marshaled their starry hosts." --Isaiah 45:9-12

Ok...so this scripture (to me) speaks to one specific area in my life. I was roaming on myspace and came across this dude's page (he's my bf's cousin) but what was so amazing to me is that, I believe, he's only 17 and he's so on fire for God. He had verse 9 on his page and that struck a chord within me. First area: Self-esteem. Really...who am I to really question God about what He made and how He did so? He's the master creator and everything He did/ does is good...superior work...of the best quality. Therefore, what does that say about me? This is not a point to get cocky on but God wants each of us to realize how important we are. How when He made us, it was, indeed, good. This point has nothing to do with us but has all to do with WHO HE IS. Isn't that awesome? If He could create a whole universe, do you think He'd wait to get to you to mess up? Of course not! It's simply not in His character to make mistakes or else, He wouldn't be God. So for those of you, like myself, who struggle with this self-esteem thing, you have to learn how to see yourself the way that God sees you--precious. We're His workmanship, We're fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 119), and we're created in Christ Jesus to do good works (Ephesians 2:10). I understand it's a process. Take it one day at a time. Ask God to show you your worth, not for the sake of knowing it, but in order to truly understand how great He is for making someone as unique and different as you. You'd be amazed what He'll show you once you open your eyes to see what He defines as beauty, not what the world thinks. Walk in the beauty God has given you!

Thanks God! Played (corrected, yet again...)! But being corrected (played) when it comes to these things is one of the best feelings in the world.

I don't know why HE loves me...

Just to make this abundantly clear, the HE is no ordinary person. He's God. And as a recurring thought for today: I really and truly can't understand with my infinite mind why in the world does He love me? I mean, if you were the whole Creator of the universe and everything within it, would you even care about each person? Would you know, as the Bible says, the number of hairs on each individual's head? Would you take the time to love and understand each individuals and their nuances? Would you spend your time trying to show each individual how much you love them in a unique way KNOWING that you may be mistreated, ignored, or simply written off many times? Only God would do that. Only God has done that for me. He's the busiest person I know yet He gives me the most time. He's the most lovable person I know yet He loves me more than I can ever imagine and definitely more than I could ever love Him back. He gave me His most precious gift, His Son, so that I might be able to live with Him forever. Now, if that it isn't love, I don't know what is. So back to my original question: Why does He love me? How could He continue to love me inspite of all I've done (or haven't done). It's just His nature. And I'm overjoyed, over love, over Him.

"And He, being full of compassion, forgave their sins and destroyed them not. Yea, many a time turned He His anger away and did not stir up all His wrath. For He remembered that they were but flesh, a wind that passeth away and cometh not again." --Psalm 78:38-39

"I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with lovingkindness." --Jeremiah 31:3

Let's reflect the love of God in our love for Him, our love for our temples (our bodies), and our love for each other. God is real. It's time for us to start acting like it.

Phileo love,
Ash

My Impression of France so far...

I purposely waited to write this blog. I did so simply for the fact that I wanted to get myself used to being here and being somewhat familiar with my surroundings. I wanted to wait until a time when I wasn't homesick every other day (I do miss my family though...sigh). So here it is...

Rouen is a beautiful city. It's classically beautiful though...not so much modernly beautiful. The architecture is simply marvelous. I am actually staying in a place called Mont Saint Aignan, which is a suburb outside of Rouen. It seems like everything is designed so that you do quite a bit of walking which isn't such a bad thing. I need the exercise! Downtown Rouen is full of things to do. There are so many shops and food places and museums. It's definitely cool for tourism. Paris is very busy. The subways looked like NY subways but I haven't really gone to the nice "tourist part of town" yet so my opinion of Paris is a bit biased. I'll blog it once I've seen the Eiffel Tower, Champs Elysees, L'Arc de Triomphe, etc. Good news though: The sale going on right now in the stores are OUTRAGEOUS. 40,50,60,70% off stuff. I'm absolutely loving it! Only until the 2nd week of February though :(

Most of the foods I've tasted have been good. I could live off crepes, paninis, and kebabs (though it wouldn't be very healthy). Many of the meals consist of at least some form of cheese, bread, and wine. The breads are absolutely delightful over here. I have to try to keep myself away from the bakeries.

Classes are cool so far. My schedule is so easy this semester and I thank God for the break. At PSU, I'd be ripping and running by now (which is probably why I stay so worn out during the semesters there). The teachers seem to be pretty nice so far. Then again, we're only going into our 2nd week so we'll see how my opinion changes in a few weeks.

The majority of the French people have been ok towards me as a person who knows little French. I've had my experience with the cashier at the grocery store getting totally pissed at me for not understanding what she was saying. It was my second day in France...take it easy! But as each day goes on, it gets better. Most of the French people I've met have been nice (which is a relief because I heard that they can be a bit mean).

Plans for this week: Classes on Monday and Tuesday; Brussels with Andrea, Diana, and Maggie on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Anything past that for this week, I have no clue.

I believe that in the end, I will look back at this whole semester and not regret a minute of it. And for me...that's a good thing.

Phileo love,
Ash