So...I think I am now willing to get myself back in the groove of this whole blogging thing. It's quite therapeutic actually.
So, I had a GREAT convo with the professor I'm a teaching assistant for yesterday. Anyone who knows me knows that i'm such an anti-accounting accounting major. I hate it for the life of me. I don't have a clue why I decided to go through with it. Basically, 4 wasted years. So now that I've found a piece of a passion in sociology, I've been pretty solid on that being what I want to pursue for graduate studies. Anyway, we were having our one-on-one TA meeting the other day and we somehow started talking about our passion to see everyone have healthy self-esteem. i shared with her my experience and my desire to somehow incorporate that into my graduate studies. And it was such a beautiful conversation. It really got me thinking. Hmm...it's praying time.
In other news (if anyone even reads this blog...lol), please pray for my Mommy. She's going through so much right now but God is good. We will definitely continue to trust Him.
I want to write so bad my letter to my future...but I'll save that for another time when I'm not slumped over the keyboard. The sorority had our Spa Night tonight and it turned out great (Thank You, Lord)! So, needless to say, I'm tired (I spent the night working, not being pampered).
For the people,
Ash B.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Daring to Love
Hey friends...
Just a few brief thoughts today.
I am 21 yrs. old (yay for me...lol). I am at the point in my life when I am starting to look around and notice how many of my peers are getting engaged, married, having children, etc. And to be brutally honest, I get downright jealous at times.
But one of the things I've had to realize is that...there is a reason why I'm waiting. There's a reason why the Lord has me single at this point in my life (though I must admit, I hope that this singleness is just a season and not a lifetime. Either way, the Lord will sustain me). It's been an absolute intense struggle for me to just trust God and allow Him to love me like He desires to. I can be so cold and isolated towards Him at times and I realize that if I do this to Him, I will probably do this to whomever the Lord sends to me (if He indeed has someone in mind for me).
So, I've been trying to do better. I've been trying to use all this energy to do some good and for the most part, when I'm busy doing the Lord's work or schoolwork (as it were...lol), I am not consumed with what I do and don't have.
I would like to dedicate this post to my family who love me beyond my little quirks and know me like no other people in this world. To my friends and sorority sisters, what kind of life would I have without you all in it? You are one of the amazing joys of life. I would like to dedicate this post to my two godchildren, through whom the Lord has allowed me to partially peak into the joys of parenthood and who, through their innocence, teach me the meaning of having faith like a child. These people dare to love me inspite of, despite, and because and that's the most awesome feeling in the world.
And I'd like to dedicate this post to my future husband. If you are in God's plan for my life, I know that God is completing works in both of us at this point so that when He brings us together, we will know how to perfectly complement each other while He perfectly completes us. I am daring to love you without knowing you by continuing my promise to God and you to keep myself until the appointed time. (extended version of this to come...)
To the PEOPLE, dare to love God and yourself first in order to meet the challenge of truly loving others.
Ash B.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Why Do We.....
Did this at the VERITAS Coffeehouse on 3/20...it's been on my mind a lot lately. It definitely comes off different when spoken but you should get the point :).
Why do we, who
possess natural, intense beauty
depend on artificial beauty
to define who we are?
Ok…true life…this is me.
I wake up in the morning
look in the mirror
“bleh”.
I’ve got to do something about these spots on my skin
and add some color to my eyes,
comb my hair this way (wait, no, that way),
make sure the lip gloss is poppin’
and this is just the first level of defense.
Clothes…
“omg, I have nothing to wear!”
my thoughts as clothes bust out my drawer
(Lord, I could use a lesson on living a simple life).
So I put this shirt with this shirt,
but this shirt is kinda ugly, and if I wear that one,
I can’t wear those jeans. But do those jeans make me fat?
No, those are the “too loose” ones.why so serious??? Ugh.
Ok…so once fully dressed, I look in the mirror
and resolve myself that I’m not Beyonce or Tyra (Banks),
and I’m ready to go.
sure, I’m not satisfied but who ever is?
Walk out my dorm and look around…and here’s when the real circus begins
“omg…I want her shoes.”, “Those pants go so nicely with her skin tone.”
“I need to get me those glasses.”
ALL DAY LONG. I’m tired.
Rarely do I stop to ever think that God created me, me, for a purpose.
That every skin cell, every curve, and even every perceived flaw was all in His master design.
rarely do I stop to question my motives for even questioning myself…
by who’s values were these values that I’m holding myself to created.
(Clearly it’s someone who wanted me to go crazy.)
Why is it that I spend more hours in the day caring about if someone
looks at me and sees something aesthetically pleasing rather than someone intellectually stimulating,
and why is it that I’d rather have someone refer to me as “sweetheart” rather than “sister”.
(I mean it just runs across my mind…sometimes…not too often though).
Why is it that I predict how people see me before I actually know
and just because nothing’s said I assume the worst?
What is it in me that longs for the artificial attention artificial beauty brings rather than
intricate attention the Father gives because He intricately created me in the image of Beauty
because He is the standard of Beauty.
Look around you, (especially in the past few days) State College has been such a pleasant place
because with the sun out you can see the natural aura that surrounds this place.
The wind blowing playfully, the trees dancing and the leaves singing the chorus of Nature’s song,
the mountains laid out in a marvelous landscape surrounding the city,
few can imitate this…and yet the Creator of these masterful works
created me too and I look in the mirror in disgust sometimes.
What does that say to Him? Better yet, what does that say to me?
You are beautiful.
I’ve been given permission by the creator of beauty to use that word for you.
(I have no clue who gave these other people the permission…)
You are unique and you are you. If you don’t hear it enough, come to me, I’ll tell you.
Don’t trick yourselves…beauty’s not in the eye of the beholder.
That’s probably the most selfish statement I’ve heard.
If someone does not see the beauty they possess, it can be hard to see it in others.
And there’s no standard of beauty…being 5’10 with light skin, a lean mean body, and extensions in your hair is NOT the “it” thing.
Beauty is not ONLY skin deep…God didn’t create it to be just skin deep.
Rather, it is truly a process of the interior moving to the exterior.
Just to prove my point…why can an attractive woman be considered beautiful until she opens her mouth?
After that, she can just be considered pretty.
It’s the content of what’s coming from her mouth
(remember the Word: Out of the mouth the abundance of the heart speaks)
that is the breaking point for beauty.
So in a society that’s great for contradictions, I wouldn’t be so quick to take their word about beauty.
He made you. He knows you. He loves you. And you’re beautiful!
Remember the words of Isaiah 53:2, "He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him."
Jesus is still our Beautiful Savior...and He's our Beautiful Savior because of His actions towards us, not His physical attractiveness to us.
Another one for the beautiful people,
Ash B.
Why do we, who
possess natural, intense beauty
depend on artificial beauty
to define who we are?
Ok…true life…this is me.
I wake up in the morning
look in the mirror
“bleh”.
I’ve got to do something about these spots on my skin
and add some color to my eyes,
comb my hair this way (wait, no, that way),
make sure the lip gloss is poppin’
and this is just the first level of defense.
Clothes…
“omg, I have nothing to wear!”
my thoughts as clothes bust out my drawer
(Lord, I could use a lesson on living a simple life).
So I put this shirt with this shirt,
but this shirt is kinda ugly, and if I wear that one,
I can’t wear those jeans. But do those jeans make me fat?
No, those are the “too loose” ones.why so serious??? Ugh.
Ok…so once fully dressed, I look in the mirror
and resolve myself that I’m not Beyonce or Tyra (Banks),
and I’m ready to go.
sure, I’m not satisfied but who ever is?
Walk out my dorm and look around…and here’s when the real circus begins
“omg…I want her shoes.”, “Those pants go so nicely with her skin tone.”
“I need to get me those glasses.”
ALL DAY LONG. I’m tired.
Rarely do I stop to ever think that God created me, me, for a purpose.
That every skin cell, every curve, and even every perceived flaw was all in His master design.
rarely do I stop to question my motives for even questioning myself…
by who’s values were these values that I’m holding myself to created.
(Clearly it’s someone who wanted me to go crazy.)
Why is it that I spend more hours in the day caring about if someone
looks at me and sees something aesthetically pleasing rather than someone intellectually stimulating,
and why is it that I’d rather have someone refer to me as “sweetheart” rather than “sister”.
(I mean it just runs across my mind…sometimes…not too often though).
Why is it that I predict how people see me before I actually know
and just because nothing’s said I assume the worst?
What is it in me that longs for the artificial attention artificial beauty brings rather than
intricate attention the Father gives because He intricately created me in the image of Beauty
because He is the standard of Beauty.
Look around you, (especially in the past few days) State College has been such a pleasant place
because with the sun out you can see the natural aura that surrounds this place.
The wind blowing playfully, the trees dancing and the leaves singing the chorus of Nature’s song,
the mountains laid out in a marvelous landscape surrounding the city,
few can imitate this…and yet the Creator of these masterful works
created me too and I look in the mirror in disgust sometimes.
What does that say to Him? Better yet, what does that say to me?
You are beautiful.
I’ve been given permission by the creator of beauty to use that word for you.
(I have no clue who gave these other people the permission…)
You are unique and you are you. If you don’t hear it enough, come to me, I’ll tell you.
Don’t trick yourselves…beauty’s not in the eye of the beholder.
That’s probably the most selfish statement I’ve heard.
If someone does not see the beauty they possess, it can be hard to see it in others.
And there’s no standard of beauty…being 5’10 with light skin, a lean mean body, and extensions in your hair is NOT the “it” thing.
Beauty is not ONLY skin deep…God didn’t create it to be just skin deep.
Rather, it is truly a process of the interior moving to the exterior.
Just to prove my point…why can an attractive woman be considered beautiful until she opens her mouth?
After that, she can just be considered pretty.
It’s the content of what’s coming from her mouth
(remember the Word: Out of the mouth the abundance of the heart speaks)
that is the breaking point for beauty.
So in a society that’s great for contradictions, I wouldn’t be so quick to take their word about beauty.
He made you. He knows you. He loves you. And you’re beautiful!
Remember the words of Isaiah 53:2, "He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him."
Jesus is still our Beautiful Savior...and He's our Beautiful Savior because of His actions towards us, not His physical attractiveness to us.
Another one for the beautiful people,
Ash B.
Hiding behind Political Views
So...it's been awhile. A long while.
Since the last time I wrote:
1) America elected it's first African American president.
2) I am literally weeks away from my graduation from Penn State.
3) God is still on the throne....or as Pastor Harry from State College Assembly says, "God is good, the devil is bad, and I know whose side I'm on!"
Now that that's out of the way...on to the important thing I need to get off my chest. So I call myself trying to be more educated; I've been trying to read different blogs to get different perspectives about things that are happening, especially perspectives from the Christian side of things. And after reading some of these, I can truly understand why in America, conservative Evangelicals come off as sooo judgmental. Now, I do not declare myself a conservative or liberal; I can give or take a few things from both sides. And I wouldn't necessarily consider myself an evangelical Christian...I grew up in a Baptist church my whole life yet I attend an Assemblies of God congregation in State College. So, I have absolutely nothing against evangelicals. What I do have a problem with, however (and this may just be a personal qualm), is the way some conservative evangelicals are so adamantly Republican that they cannot step back from it and see what's wrong with the party. I am a registered Democrat but you will never hear me say that there's nothing wrong with the Democrat Party or even assert that. I was reading a blog by my pastor in State College and I always love to read the comments to his posts because the people who comment are mostly white, conservative evangelicals. I find it interesting how a couple of them can find no good in President Obama but is willing to defend President Bush (43). I find it funny how they are willing to defend President Bush (43)'s salvation and adamantly claim that President Obama is not a Christian. Now, I am not defending President Obama's pro-choice stance; I do not support that. But claiming that W. was a Christian and then defending his actions because he was a "babe in Christ" is not right. It is equally not right to just outright say that President Obama is not saved. None of the people commenting know neither W. or Obama personally so commenting on the status of their salvation is, to me, prematurely judging. I think that the most important point to realize is that neither of these men base their decisions solely on their relationships with Christ (if they have one), which still leaves the "Christian" America in potential danger.
Another problem I have is people hiding behind political and religious views to mask true prejudices. I am not convinced that every white, conservative evangelical dislikes Obama because he is a liberal democrat. Some of them dislike him because he is black. Truth is truth. I am never one to assume that it's always the case but I am not naive as well. Covert racism is one of the biggest dividers in the Church of Jesus Christ (not of Latter Day Saints) today. Sunday morning is STILL the most segregated hour in America. And we have the conservative evangelicals whining about how Obama "gets away with murder" with the media. Pleasssseeee someone give me a break! I want them to be able to tell me that had this not been their beloved John McCain that we would be having this same conversation. I have hardly heard people call into question his relationship with the Lord and I don't believe that if he had gotten into the White House that things would be much different than they are now.
So my question is: If we do feel like Obama does not have a relationship with the Lord, how do we plan to bring him in right relationship? I know one thing: these scathing reviews from so called Evangelical Christians will not do it. Are we indeed isolating the people we're called to love and win for Christ? I don't think there's anything wrong with political commentary but some of it just borderlines hateful speech. But then again, these are the same people who listen to the man who hopes Obama fails (Rush Limbaugh--though he himself is not necessarily a Christian, he has a HUGE evangelical backing.)
I did not agree with W. on everything (though he had my support on more than a few things...more than I can say Obama has with conservatives), I never hoped that he failed. But then again, maybe that's the Christ in me.
If you want to show me what it means to be a Christian, show me that love that Christ was known for. This includes doing what the Bible instructs: praying for our leaders and giving them, at the least, our respect.
One more for THE PEOPLE,
Ash B.
Since the last time I wrote:
1) America elected it's first African American president.
2) I am literally weeks away from my graduation from Penn State.
3) God is still on the throne....or as Pastor Harry from State College Assembly says, "God is good, the devil is bad, and I know whose side I'm on!"
Now that that's out of the way...on to the important thing I need to get off my chest. So I call myself trying to be more educated; I've been trying to read different blogs to get different perspectives about things that are happening, especially perspectives from the Christian side of things. And after reading some of these, I can truly understand why in America, conservative Evangelicals come off as sooo judgmental. Now, I do not declare myself a conservative or liberal; I can give or take a few things from both sides. And I wouldn't necessarily consider myself an evangelical Christian...I grew up in a Baptist church my whole life yet I attend an Assemblies of God congregation in State College. So, I have absolutely nothing against evangelicals. What I do have a problem with, however (and this may just be a personal qualm), is the way some conservative evangelicals are so adamantly Republican that they cannot step back from it and see what's wrong with the party. I am a registered Democrat but you will never hear me say that there's nothing wrong with the Democrat Party or even assert that. I was reading a blog by my pastor in State College and I always love to read the comments to his posts because the people who comment are mostly white, conservative evangelicals. I find it interesting how a couple of them can find no good in President Obama but is willing to defend President Bush (43). I find it funny how they are willing to defend President Bush (43)'s salvation and adamantly claim that President Obama is not a Christian. Now, I am not defending President Obama's pro-choice stance; I do not support that. But claiming that W. was a Christian and then defending his actions because he was a "babe in Christ" is not right. It is equally not right to just outright say that President Obama is not saved. None of the people commenting know neither W. or Obama personally so commenting on the status of their salvation is, to me, prematurely judging. I think that the most important point to realize is that neither of these men base their decisions solely on their relationships with Christ (if they have one), which still leaves the "Christian" America in potential danger.
Another problem I have is people hiding behind political and religious views to mask true prejudices. I am not convinced that every white, conservative evangelical dislikes Obama because he is a liberal democrat. Some of them dislike him because he is black. Truth is truth. I am never one to assume that it's always the case but I am not naive as well. Covert racism is one of the biggest dividers in the Church of Jesus Christ (not of Latter Day Saints) today. Sunday morning is STILL the most segregated hour in America. And we have the conservative evangelicals whining about how Obama "gets away with murder" with the media. Pleasssseeee someone give me a break! I want them to be able to tell me that had this not been their beloved John McCain that we would be having this same conversation. I have hardly heard people call into question his relationship with the Lord and I don't believe that if he had gotten into the White House that things would be much different than they are now.
So my question is: If we do feel like Obama does not have a relationship with the Lord, how do we plan to bring him in right relationship? I know one thing: these scathing reviews from so called Evangelical Christians will not do it. Are we indeed isolating the people we're called to love and win for Christ? I don't think there's anything wrong with political commentary but some of it just borderlines hateful speech. But then again, these are the same people who listen to the man who hopes Obama fails (Rush Limbaugh--though he himself is not necessarily a Christian, he has a HUGE evangelical backing.)
I did not agree with W. on everything (though he had my support on more than a few things...more than I can say Obama has with conservatives), I never hoped that he failed. But then again, maybe that's the Christ in me.
If you want to show me what it means to be a Christian, show me that love that Christ was known for. This includes doing what the Bible instructs: praying for our leaders and giving them, at the least, our respect.
One more for THE PEOPLE,
Ash B.
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