Twin (Jade) and I at the Gamma Gala
Hey People,
"Be that as it may...", "As it were..."
btw, I hate expressions like that but it's so funny to use them in jest. If you know me and hear me use expressions like that, you'll understand that I'm not a bit serious in my use of them.
So, this weekend was awesome. On Friday, even though it was raining like crazy here in State College, Twin and I went to Kohl's to look for accesories for the Gamma Gala which was Saturday night. There wasn't as much of a selection as I would've liked but "after all, this is State College." That is everyone's famous excuse for everything and it was nicely applied at that time. Got back to my dorm and hit the bed hard body for like 3 hours. That was a blessed experience...those types of sleeps come from the 3rd heavenlies somewhere. Got up and went to the VERITAS Coffeehouse...that was awesome, per usual.
Saturday was the Oil Change Ministry. I can't begin to express how conflicted my insides were. There I was, being there, being me, and harboring the secret crush-like thing for one of the guys there. Per the norm, he paid me absolutely no attention so I can't say my feelings were hurt. I didn't put myself out there either so I guess he had good reason not to pay me any attention. Getting attention was not the focus of me going there so it would be wrong for me to "feel some type of way about that." I also got a tad bit emotional thinking about how this is my last month in State College. I hated this place until yesterday (lol...I'm kidding. But it was until this semester, actually) but now, I actually don't want to go back to experiencing life outside this place on a permanent basis. Is that wrong? Anywho, after Oil Change, I came back and glammed up to go to Gamma Gala with Twin. That was cool...not too much to say on it. We then came back to my dorm and watched "First Wives Club". That movie does me right EVERY time I watch it.
Today was United Sunday at State College Assembly. I was blessed to see two fellow VERITAS comrades get water-baptized today! What a blessing! The whole service was just excellent. Pastor Grabill did a masterful job in conveying to us what Jesus went through because of our sins (Killer Debt...i loved the double entendre). Main takeaway point for me: We downplay our sins and as a result of that, we downplay the sins of others. This affects our passion to reach the lost. I believe this point was so true. I know there have been many times when, under the weight of my own guiltiness, I downplayed my sins and have let it dilute the sins of others as well. This is probably why I uphold standards at one moment and don't in another moment. Whew...thank God for Jesus! His consistency is unparalleled!
So...now, I'm at this point. It's almost 11 pm on Palm Sunday evening. The last time I fasted was this time last year. My spiritual life is on its way to the ICU. Physically, ugh. lol. Academically, I feel like there's a real possibility that I will do something to screw up me graduating in May (ppl keep telling me it's all in my head). I look around me and everyone seems to be doing this and that, and getting hitched, and getting jobs, and realizing their purpose in God, and "so on and so forth"...and I'm here. Financially...I'm just praying. I just need the Lord...every second, of every minute, of every hour, of everyday. And that's real.
I'm doing a 21 Day Fast. I plan to chart it on here since I'll have a bit more free time a.k.a. no Facebook. I need some answers and I need them fast. But what I've resolved myself to even more is...even if the Lord doesn't give me one answer during this time, He's worth every bit of the sacrifice. Shame on me for not being proactive earlier.
For the people,
Ash B.
Song on constant replay: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48kRtw5PtCI&feature=related
