Labels

So...it's been what--3 months?!?!? What type of foolishness?? Help me, Father! There is no way that it should have been this long since my last post (which wasn't even a real one at that! hmph.). At any rate, it's great to be back! Feelin' a whole lot of different things right now so...READY, SET...BLOG IT OUT!

So today's topic is labels. My disclaimer before I begin is that this is just therapeutic for me. This is, in no way, a representation of anyone other myself. Just trying to convince myself that it's okay to be, look, act, think, and live like me :)>.

So LABELS. Most of my life, I can honestly (and thankfully) say that I have had people label me in good ways. Whether it's sister, friend, best friend, wise, studious, smart, funny, etc., I've been blessed in such a way that, despite my sometimes selfish and immature ways, the Lord allows most people to see me in a positive light and label me accordingly. Not every label I've received has been so flattering -- and it's those "negative" labels that I dwell on. Why?? I have no clue. Seriously, there's something in me that always draws myself to the negative, whether it be what people say or think of me or whether it's anticipation about the future. A million positive things can be said and if I even SNIFF out a negative comment or thing, I'll be on it and dwell on it for awhile. I know, I know...not a good thing. Definitely a character flaw. I'm working on it :).

So in order to totally screw up your image of me in your mind (lol...never that), I have the ever-annoying habit of turning good labels into bad ones. Let me explain. For most of my life, the most consistent labels that have been applied to me are "sister", "friend", and "best friend". These are absolutely NOT bad labels. But in my mind, these labels become worrisome when applied to me by the opposite sex. I should be happy to even be labeled as such beautiful things but...sometimes I have to admit that I wonder what's wrong with me. Why don't many guys I come in contact with want me to be more than just a friend?? With my stand for Christ, is there much of a difference between my two labels of "close friend" and "girlfriend"?? So many questions and yet I've only come up with one answer so far: it's not time yet. There are many, MANY things that I need to work on and I'm guessing that there's many things "he" needs to work on as well. All I can do at this point is ask the good Lord to give me patience to endure the labels I've been given (whether desirable or not) and to live my life worthy of the best label that can be given--that of "Christian".

In other news, I will be starting a blog series on my fears. Lots of transparency; hopefully, it'll be a blessing for me and an avenue for breakthrough. Tired boots. Tired of travelling these roads over and over again. Time to finish business here so that I may move on. Amen.

For me to the PEOPLE,
Ash B.