Wow. It's really been a month since I've written on here. I need to get my game up....seriously. Being back in the United States has been pleasant. Of course, I'm glad to be back with my loves (Daddy, Mommy, and B)...and it's been a decent experience seeing my friends (old, new, and unwanted..lol). But God is still great! I think now more than ever do I appreciate the chance to just be able to go to another country for 5 months and live and learn and be pursued by God. I'm only 20, and through God's grace, I've been places that my parents haven't been and my grandparents didn't know about. I visited 8 countries within 5 months....while staying afloat with a weak US Economy and strong EU economy, and while taking classes at a French institution which contributes to me seeing that Penn State diploma on May 17, 2009. I'M BLESSED! I didn't know when I left the United States on January 1 of this year what God was going to do in little ol' me. People had spoken words over my life, etc. but just in a moment of bitter honesty, I can't say that I trusted everything that was said. I can't say that I trusted God the way I know I could have. But He has once again proven to me that I can trust Him (which is something that I am painfully aware that He simply does not have to do) and so I'm grateful.
We've had revival this week. God's been so gracious to us in this. And the more I see, the more I thank God for allowing me to have grown up in a ministry-minded household, in order for me to see and understand some of the ins and outs of ministry. Things came up and plans had to be changed but God provided and the people of God are still being blessed. Tonight is the last night and let me tell you, the Words have been so on point! (well for me...can't speak for no one else). You see, I'm at this point in my life where it's sooooo easy for me to look around and compare myself to everyone else. And beyond that, looking at others and comparing myself is what I'm good at (and that's a shame when I struggle with consistency in getting in my Word and being in God's presence). I mean...I'm trying to take a stand for Christ and live BETTER than I talk and it seems like I'm just lagging behind everyone else. My friends have boyfriends and cars and this and that....and honestly, looking at all that is driving me crazy. I told my Daddy on Monday that I'm ready to go back to Europe! (lol). But ever since I've been back, God's been hitting that issue right on the head. And it's a bit hurtful too. Daddy's been preaching a series out of Psalm 73 in which the musician Asaph was having some trouble because he was looking around and it seemed like all the wicked and evil people were prospering. Now, I'm not calling my friends wicked or evil. But people don't necessarily have to be evil for you to look around and wonder, "Lord, am I doing something wrong?". But he said when he came into the sanctuary, that's when he discovered their true end. So..that's been a real blessing. And then I heard on Tuesday night about a hope AND a future and last night about living life with an uneven hand. And what I'm understanding now is that God is telling me, "Ash, work with what you got. Things seem this way or that way. So and so is getting this and that. But I've given something to you. I've placed something in you." And as Pastor Blackmon said, it's about your attitude. If I can just get myself to the point where I can wait PATIENTLY on the Lord, I think I'll be alright. But I think that'd just be too easy. The struggle is just to remind me how much I must depend on the grace and mercy of our Savior. It reminds me how much, as Jerry Bridges puts it, the gospel is essential EVERY DAY for achieving abundant life through Jesus Christ. I must continue to preach the gospel to myself daily, realizing that it's not just the message I receive at the beginning of my salvation journey but it's the message that sustains me throughout my Christian journey. So I'm grateful for the promises of God...I'm grateful for the hope God has given me to get through the right now and the promise of a future which gives me hope for tomorrow. I'm excited because even though I'm me and God is God, He chooses to use someone as small as me to bring someone as big as himself glory. It doesn't add up. How can an imperfect thing glorify or magnify (make bigger) a perfect being? It's that perfect love and perfect power of the perfect being which transforms the imperfect thing into something fit for use. And I know He's still working on me....but He's faithful to complete the work He's already begun until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6). That's good news!
So...tomorrow, we take my brother down to start his summer program at Hampton University. He will be beginning his freshman year there in the Fall. God's got so many great and wonderful things in store for that big-headed boy....I mean it's so amazing! I thank God for what He's doing within my family. He's bringing us closer to each other, closer to Him, and making us stronger. That is going to equal a great force within the Kingdom of God and I just pray that we can always be depended on by God to walk worthy of the calling (Ephesians 4:1).
Anyway, I suppose I should get back to work. And we're thankful to God for the summer government job!! HALLELU!!! I've been able to really learn some things since IT is not my area of expertise. But it's making me more marketable. And hopefully this time next year, if it's what God wants, I'll be preparing to start grad school in Rotterdam, Holland. If that's not what God wants, I'll be starting grad school somewhere else (lol). But pray for me....this summer is a critical time in my life and I can't afford not to be focused. God is calling me to a place and I am still in my preparation season, plus working, studying for the GREs, and being active in ministry. So many have done it before me, I know, but it's hard to give God your best when your mind is ALL over the place. So I know that He's able to keep me from falling and on that, I stand.
Sorry...this was a really long one y'all...but for THE PEOPLE, remember you've got a hope AND a future.
Philia Love,
A. Burton
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
I'll Forever Be Chasing After You, Jesus!
I don't have much to say at this point, people....
I leave France for good in two weeks and God is teaching lessons up until the bitter end. One thing that is overwhelmingly clear to me at this point in life: I'm so so so wretched. Like for real. It's disgusting. I can't be consistent in anything, I'm constantly changing my mind about things, I know I'm not where God is calling me to be yet, and I'm still struggling with some of the same things that I've been struggling with for the longest time. By all human standards, I am a failure. I am a wretch. I totally agree with the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:24, "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" However, the longer I live the more I come to value the of the grace and mercy that God extends to us each and everyday. It is BEYOND COMPARE....there's no use in us trying to appraise it. If I were in God's position, I know I would have given up on me a long time ago and just completely let myself die somewhere. But He continues to beckon me unto Himself as verse 25 goes on to say, "Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
I'm supposed to be surprising my brother this week for his graduation by coming home and I do have my ticket to be on the plane. The problem comes with me getting to the airport on time. There is a real possibility that I won't make it. And I've been hoping and praying and slightly worrying about it. But what I've just had to resolve myself to is that no matter what happens, God is still in control and whatever happens, it's all in his hands. I don't deserve favor! I don't deserve for God to do anything out of the ordinary for me! Who am I but I mere mortal?? But I'm glad that when God looks at me, He sees so much more than that! He sees what I shall be...He sees the glory that He shall get out of my life once I get it together! And for that alone, I should be motivated enough to continue to chase after Him. To desire Him more and more each day! To know Him in a very real way.
So, as has been the recurring theme in most of my blogs, I will continue to strive towards the prize. I will fall and falter sometimes but I owe it to God to keep pressing on. Something me and my Daddy tell my brother when he has one of those selfish moments is "You may not care about me or yourself. But at least do better for your mother because she supports you through everything and loves you just the same." So, now I find myself swallowing hard my words but it's not to do better for my mother. She loves me and wants me to evolve into what God desires for me to be but when it's all said and done, that's not enough. I should want to do better simply because GOD has always been there for me and has loved me with AN EVERLASTING LOVE through my whole life. And He deserves so much more. SO MUCH MORE.
I'm saying this now, Lord. (and please allow my sentiments to echo the words of the song "Chasing After You" off of Tye Tribbett's new project):
"And I will go from faith to faith, from glory to glory. And I'LL FOREVER BE CHASING AFTER YOU. I'LL BE CHASING AFTER YOU. I'll never get settled. I'll always be wanting more of you Jesus."
To the people, be encouraged. God's always in control.
Philia Love,
A., Burton
I leave France for good in two weeks and God is teaching lessons up until the bitter end. One thing that is overwhelmingly clear to me at this point in life: I'm so so so wretched. Like for real. It's disgusting. I can't be consistent in anything, I'm constantly changing my mind about things, I know I'm not where God is calling me to be yet, and I'm still struggling with some of the same things that I've been struggling with for the longest time. By all human standards, I am a failure. I am a wretch. I totally agree with the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:24, "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" However, the longer I live the more I come to value the of the grace and mercy that God extends to us each and everyday. It is BEYOND COMPARE....there's no use in us trying to appraise it. If I were in God's position, I know I would have given up on me a long time ago and just completely let myself die somewhere. But He continues to beckon me unto Himself as verse 25 goes on to say, "Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
I'm supposed to be surprising my brother this week for his graduation by coming home and I do have my ticket to be on the plane. The problem comes with me getting to the airport on time. There is a real possibility that I won't make it. And I've been hoping and praying and slightly worrying about it. But what I've just had to resolve myself to is that no matter what happens, God is still in control and whatever happens, it's all in his hands. I don't deserve favor! I don't deserve for God to do anything out of the ordinary for me! Who am I but I mere mortal?? But I'm glad that when God looks at me, He sees so much more than that! He sees what I shall be...He sees the glory that He shall get out of my life once I get it together! And for that alone, I should be motivated enough to continue to chase after Him. To desire Him more and more each day! To know Him in a very real way.
So, as has been the recurring theme in most of my blogs, I will continue to strive towards the prize. I will fall and falter sometimes but I owe it to God to keep pressing on. Something me and my Daddy tell my brother when he has one of those selfish moments is "You may not care about me or yourself. But at least do better for your mother because she supports you through everything and loves you just the same." So, now I find myself swallowing hard my words but it's not to do better for my mother. She loves me and wants me to evolve into what God desires for me to be but when it's all said and done, that's not enough. I should want to do better simply because GOD has always been there for me and has loved me with AN EVERLASTING LOVE through my whole life. And He deserves so much more. SO MUCH MORE.
I'm saying this now, Lord. (and please allow my sentiments to echo the words of the song "Chasing After You" off of Tye Tribbett's new project):
"And I will go from faith to faith, from glory to glory. And I'LL FOREVER BE CHASING AFTER YOU. I'LL BE CHASING AFTER YOU. I'll never get settled. I'll always be wanting more of you Jesus."
To the people, be encouraged. God's always in control.
Philia Love,
A., Burton
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Trusting You, Lord!!
You know, sometimes God just has to remind us that He's Lord. Lord over our happy times, Lord over our sad times, Lord over our WHOLE lives (that's if we actually let Him do what He does best).
Lord (n.)-a person who has authority, control, or power over others
I can't remember how many times I've been in church singing that song, "He is Lord". You know the words...He is Lord, He has risen from the dead and He is Lord. I was singing it with no power, no conviction, no nothing. I even had the nerve to complain about us singing it too often. "I'm tired of this song."--haha...thank God for maturity! But I guess I never fully grasped the complete meaning of the words. Everytime I say, "Thank You, Lord", I'm not just expressing my gratitude. I'm reaffirming the fact that I acknowledge God's authority, control, and power over my life. With that being said, I think we should never take for granted what we call our God and King. Each name means something and each name glorifies God in a different way. With that being said, on to the real part of the blog....
So, today I really thought I was going to hurt somebody in France. Like...France has been a great experience and all but the ruckus that this school puts the international students through is so ridiculous (like for real). Needless to say, God also used being over here to give me a greater appreciation for Penn State. So to Dear Ol' State, I salute you. Anyway, I was planning this big surprise for the end of this month! I mean...I was going the juggler. I wanted the reaction be tears, screaming, yelling....all THAT! I mean...it was really going to be a nice surprise. Well...I get to my lovely Oral Expression class today (and I have to say....I loved my teacher!! She's so good and great) and I find out that my final exam is on May 22. WHAT?!?!?!?!? First of all, why such a random, random day of the week? Second of all, that's not fair because that's not during finals week and they're just telling us now (I'm telling you, you've GOT to love that French organization stuff). Third of all, that's the day of my big surprise! I mean...we spent money on this surprise and now that's in jeopardy...oh no. I can't take that as my final answer. I talk to my teacher and tell her my situation and she tells me that she doesn't think it will be a problem to get them to reschedule it for me. So she tells me to go speak to the head of the department. I go and talk to her and she tells me that it's not her decision and that she would have to talk to the International Office. She tells me that it's a real possibility that they will say no but she will ask and then email me the answer. Not even an hour later, I get an email saying that the answer was no. I wanted to cry....I think maybe 4 or 5 tears fell and then I could cry no more. I wanted to be extremely upset but I couldn't get my blood to boil like I could so easily do in times past. What in the world was going on with me?!? As I was explaining my situation to my friends, I could hear how relatively calm I was and it was scary. What was going on inside of me? Was it that I wasn't that upset? NO...it couldn't have been that. This surprise was way too big for me to just brush not being able to do it off. Did I think that I was somehow being punked and that Ashton Kutcher was going to pop out from behind one of these trees with a French camera crew?? NO....highly unlikely. What was it?!?! I was calling my parents and I couldn't get in contact with them for almost 3 hours. I think that made me more upset than the situation itself. As I told my dad, I could hear the disappointment creep into his voice but as always, he told me to do what I had to do. As I was on the phone explaining it to my mom, i think about 3 tears fell and my voice cracked but then i could show no more visible emotion. I mean, inside i was definitely hurting. MY PLANS WERE BEING INTERRUPTED. But at this point that wasn't the main thing bothering me. The main thing bothering me was my calm through this whole situation. I sat down and started thinking and then it dawned on me: it was the peace of God. Now, strangely enough I didn't recognize that feeling because I don't let it rest in my life that often. My usual response is to freak out and throw a fit, get stressed and eat. But today, I was just chillin'. I couldn't even walk around looking somber (even though on the inside, I felt like crap). God had given me a certain peace about the situation. It was then that I realized that so many times we just rely on God for the big things that require faith but forget about everyday, little details. I was so busy trusting God with the seemingly huge issues in life and i totally forgot to trust Him with the things that already to seem to be worked out. Because as we all know, situations can and will change up on you. But as my mom told me, "If it's God's Will for you to be there, you will be there." So, what I'm going to do, saints of God, is to continue to trust God. The lady that we're trying to petition is known to be a hard person to deal with. My mother emailed the lady in the International Office and so we're hoping for different results but even if she still tells us "no", I know I can trust that God knows what's best and that He has a purpose for everything He allows. And it's not even like this surprise thing was bad...it really was one of the most self-less things I could do. But even in this, God chooses to allow me to see that He is Lord and that He has control. So, I'm evicting myself and giving Him His place back. We're praying for favor with her but even if God does not allow us to obtain the woman's favor, that doesn't mean we're any less favored by Him. It's all apart of His plan and I'm learning how to trust that thing so great and strong!
So I trust You, Lord. I acknowledge that you the Only One who has authority, control, and power over me, my life and my circumstances.
Luke 1:48-55 (The Message Version)
46-55And Mary said, I'm bursting with God-news; I'm dancing the song of my Savior God. God took one good look at me, and look what happened—I'm the most fortunate woman on earth! What God has done for me will never be forgotten, the God whose very name is holy, set apart from all others. His mercy flows in wave after wave on those who are in awe before him. He bared his arm and showed his strength, scattered the bluffing braggarts. He knocked tyrants off their high horses, pulled victims out of the mud. The starving poor sat down to a banquet; the callous rich were left out in the cold. He embraced his chosen child, Israel; he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high. It's exactly what he promised, beginning with Abraham and right up to now.
To the People: Make Him Lord. Trust Him.
In His Favor and Under His Lordship,
Ash B.
Lord (n.)-a person who has authority, control, or power over others
I can't remember how many times I've been in church singing that song, "He is Lord". You know the words...He is Lord, He has risen from the dead and He is Lord. I was singing it with no power, no conviction, no nothing. I even had the nerve to complain about us singing it too often. "I'm tired of this song."--haha...thank God for maturity! But I guess I never fully grasped the complete meaning of the words. Everytime I say, "Thank You, Lord", I'm not just expressing my gratitude. I'm reaffirming the fact that I acknowledge God's authority, control, and power over my life. With that being said, I think we should never take for granted what we call our God and King. Each name means something and each name glorifies God in a different way. With that being said, on to the real part of the blog....
So, today I really thought I was going to hurt somebody in France. Like...France has been a great experience and all but the ruckus that this school puts the international students through is so ridiculous (like for real). Needless to say, God also used being over here to give me a greater appreciation for Penn State. So to Dear Ol' State, I salute you. Anyway, I was planning this big surprise for the end of this month! I mean...I was going the juggler. I wanted the reaction be tears, screaming, yelling....all THAT! I mean...it was really going to be a nice surprise. Well...I get to my lovely Oral Expression class today (and I have to say....I loved my teacher!! She's so good and great) and I find out that my final exam is on May 22. WHAT?!?!?!?!? First of all, why such a random, random day of the week? Second of all, that's not fair because that's not during finals week and they're just telling us now (I'm telling you, you've GOT to love that French organization stuff). Third of all, that's the day of my big surprise! I mean...we spent money on this surprise and now that's in jeopardy...oh no. I can't take that as my final answer. I talk to my teacher and tell her my situation and she tells me that she doesn't think it will be a problem to get them to reschedule it for me. So she tells me to go speak to the head of the department. I go and talk to her and she tells me that it's not her decision and that she would have to talk to the International Office. She tells me that it's a real possibility that they will say no but she will ask and then email me the answer. Not even an hour later, I get an email saying that the answer was no. I wanted to cry....I think maybe 4 or 5 tears fell and then I could cry no more. I wanted to be extremely upset but I couldn't get my blood to boil like I could so easily do in times past. What in the world was going on with me?!? As I was explaining my situation to my friends, I could hear how relatively calm I was and it was scary. What was going on inside of me? Was it that I wasn't that upset? NO...it couldn't have been that. This surprise was way too big for me to just brush not being able to do it off. Did I think that I was somehow being punked and that Ashton Kutcher was going to pop out from behind one of these trees with a French camera crew?? NO....highly unlikely. What was it?!?! I was calling my parents and I couldn't get in contact with them for almost 3 hours. I think that made me more upset than the situation itself. As I told my dad, I could hear the disappointment creep into his voice but as always, he told me to do what I had to do. As I was on the phone explaining it to my mom, i think about 3 tears fell and my voice cracked but then i could show no more visible emotion. I mean, inside i was definitely hurting. MY PLANS WERE BEING INTERRUPTED. But at this point that wasn't the main thing bothering me. The main thing bothering me was my calm through this whole situation. I sat down and started thinking and then it dawned on me: it was the peace of God. Now, strangely enough I didn't recognize that feeling because I don't let it rest in my life that often. My usual response is to freak out and throw a fit, get stressed and eat. But today, I was just chillin'. I couldn't even walk around looking somber (even though on the inside, I felt like crap). God had given me a certain peace about the situation. It was then that I realized that so many times we just rely on God for the big things that require faith but forget about everyday, little details. I was so busy trusting God with the seemingly huge issues in life and i totally forgot to trust Him with the things that already to seem to be worked out. Because as we all know, situations can and will change up on you. But as my mom told me, "If it's God's Will for you to be there, you will be there." So, what I'm going to do, saints of God, is to continue to trust God. The lady that we're trying to petition is known to be a hard person to deal with. My mother emailed the lady in the International Office and so we're hoping for different results but even if she still tells us "no", I know I can trust that God knows what's best and that He has a purpose for everything He allows. And it's not even like this surprise thing was bad...it really was one of the most self-less things I could do. But even in this, God chooses to allow me to see that He is Lord and that He has control. So, I'm evicting myself and giving Him His place back. We're praying for favor with her but even if God does not allow us to obtain the woman's favor, that doesn't mean we're any less favored by Him. It's all apart of His plan and I'm learning how to trust that thing so great and strong!
So I trust You, Lord. I acknowledge that you the Only One who has authority, control, and power over me, my life and my circumstances.
Luke 1:48-55 (The Message Version)
46-55And Mary said, I'm bursting with God-news; I'm dancing the song of my Savior God. God took one good look at me, and look what happened—I'm the most fortunate woman on earth! What God has done for me will never be forgotten, the God whose very name is holy, set apart from all others. His mercy flows in wave after wave on those who are in awe before him. He bared his arm and showed his strength, scattered the bluffing braggarts. He knocked tyrants off their high horses, pulled victims out of the mud. The starving poor sat down to a banquet; the callous rich were left out in the cold. He embraced his chosen child, Israel; he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high. It's exactly what he promised, beginning with Abraham and right up to now.
To the People: Make Him Lord. Trust Him.
In His Favor and Under His Lordship,
Ash B.
Monday, April 7, 2008
hollywood DREAMS...Follow Your Heart...
...yeah right! I'm a girl who's way over fairytales, honey! Plus, that's not biblical. The older I get the more I realize...your heart can lead you to do some crazy things.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." -Proverbs 4:23
Ok...I've ALWAYS been one to love a good sappy, romantic movie. There's nothing like sitting at home, eating some chips, and cozying up with your blanket for a nice chick flick (as some of my friends refer to those type of movies). What can I say? I'm a romantic at heart. Whomever my husband may be (if marriage is what God has planned for me) will have to be equally romantic. I liked to be surprised. I like to go do intellectual and unique things. I'm a different type of gal but definitely not hard to please. Ok. So the reason why I am endeared to these "chick flicks" is because there is always a sense of "that could happen to me". You know what I'm talking about. The "super hot" guy falling/coming to the rescue for the geek or the overweight woman or woman in an unhealthy relationship already. I love it. Why? Because I always feel like I'm looking in a mirror when I see the profiles of these woman character's lives. The disgust with where life has them right now, the unhappiness with the way they are/were made, the longing for something more, the hopelessness this mean world can throw at a girl. I'm familiar with all those feelings and to be able to sit there and see these women get the "super hot" guy in the end makes me feel like a million bucks. It gives a sense of hope....almost like "if it can happen to them, it can happen to me."
Gotta love HOLLYWOOD.
God has created each of us with a natural desire to be loved, to be wanted. It is what makes us having a relationship with God so right....God is the only one who can complete satisfy (exhaust) that desire. The problem comes in with the people and places we resort to in order to fulfill the desire to be loved or wanted. The heart is such a delicate organ yet it is so intense. It is so vital. We all know that if our hearts stopped, we will be no more. It doesn't just sit there and beat...it pumps blood through the arteries. It is a crucial part of us. The heart is more than this though. The heart is the universal symbol of love. When people are in love, it's not uncommon to hear someone say, "(so and so) has my heart." When we know a good person, we're inclined to say that they "have a good heart." The heart is just super diverse and absolutely needed. I would think after examining those things we'd understand why our Heavenly Father took the time to warn us about our hearts. But not too many people are understanding that too well these days (me included). We are told to guard our hearts. And we're not just to guard them but to make it a priority to do so. Now, I'll admit that I've given my heart away a few times. One time, I gave my heart and my mind away (ha...double-whammy). That situation almost killed me (literally) and that was when God had to really start from the beginning and break down this thing with my heart. You see, the heart is the one of the places on you no one can physically touch (unless in surgery or something but work with me here). God created it and tucked it neatly behind skin, flesh, and a beautiful rib cage. Perhaps this could be the first sign of God's intent. Then we can look at the heart's function. It gives life to the body. If one were to literally give away their heart, they can no longer live (clearly). Even with all these wonderful characteristics of the heart, we are admonished in Jeremiah 17:9 that the heart is deceitful among all things. That means that following your heart....not such a good idea. Sorry Walt Disney. Sucker-punch Hollywood. ok..so why? I know that's the question now. Proverbs 4:23 tells us that it is the wellspring of life or another version says for out of it flows the issues of life. That means your values, beliefs, truths, lies, etc., they all begin with your heart. Thus, when we accept salvation, it's equally important to confess with our mouths as it is to believe with our hearts (Romans 10:9). A common religious saying is that this is allowing Jesus to live in your heart. If the heart is Jesus' resting place, why are we giving it to other people? I'm convinced because we open the door of our hearts to Jesus and just talk to Him at the door instead of inviting Him in. And because we do that, there is a void left which is the one Jesus is supposed to fill. The answer can be right in front of us, friends, and we can be missing it all along. So we go through life trying to fill that void. We give our hearts to others hoping that they can at least ease the feeling of emptiness. And as we continue to live, we find that it's only temporary. God has placed within each of us, not only a capacity to be loved and wanted, but the capacity to love others. While I'm not telling anyone never to fall in love, it should be within the right context. Knowing God is knowing LOVE in it's purest form. Allowing that love to fill your heart will increase your capacity to love. Not only will it increase your capacity to love but it will discipline your heart to love the way God intended for it to. God ordained love and He ordained marriage and when God places a man and a woman together as husband and wife, if they are receptive, He places in them a capacity to love each other deeply because they will be mini images to each other of God's love for them individually and collectively. One might ask why I can speak so freely about such a subject being only 20 and single. Well, God has given me an AWESOME example of this with my parents. And God willing, one day, He will bless me with something like that of my own. BUT, as for now, I still get to stand as guard of my heart. That means I determine who I let in. I've discovered that I can no longer afford to give away my heart. It's too costly and why would I give something that isn't mine in the first place?!? That's pretty rude, don't you think?
So....I don't think I'll ever stop being a hopeless romantic. It's all around me. But one thing I now realize is that following your heart can leave you crippled and listening to your heart can leave you deaf. Guarding your heart can leave you fortified as a city. It is what it is.
Thanks for bearing with me. To the people: Guard your hearts.
Phileo love y'all,
Ash B.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." -Proverbs 4:23
Ok...I've ALWAYS been one to love a good sappy, romantic movie. There's nothing like sitting at home, eating some chips, and cozying up with your blanket for a nice chick flick (as some of my friends refer to those type of movies). What can I say? I'm a romantic at heart. Whomever my husband may be (if marriage is what God has planned for me) will have to be equally romantic. I liked to be surprised. I like to go do intellectual and unique things. I'm a different type of gal but definitely not hard to please. Ok. So the reason why I am endeared to these "chick flicks" is because there is always a sense of "that could happen to me". You know what I'm talking about. The "super hot" guy falling/coming to the rescue for the geek or the overweight woman or woman in an unhealthy relationship already. I love it. Why? Because I always feel like I'm looking in a mirror when I see the profiles of these woman character's lives. The disgust with where life has them right now, the unhappiness with the way they are/were made, the longing for something more, the hopelessness this mean world can throw at a girl. I'm familiar with all those feelings and to be able to sit there and see these women get the "super hot" guy in the end makes me feel like a million bucks. It gives a sense of hope....almost like "if it can happen to them, it can happen to me."
Gotta love HOLLYWOOD.
God has created each of us with a natural desire to be loved, to be wanted. It is what makes us having a relationship with God so right....God is the only one who can complete satisfy (exhaust) that desire. The problem comes in with the people and places we resort to in order to fulfill the desire to be loved or wanted. The heart is such a delicate organ yet it is so intense. It is so vital. We all know that if our hearts stopped, we will be no more. It doesn't just sit there and beat...it pumps blood through the arteries. It is a crucial part of us. The heart is more than this though. The heart is the universal symbol of love. When people are in love, it's not uncommon to hear someone say, "(so and so) has my heart." When we know a good person, we're inclined to say that they "have a good heart." The heart is just super diverse and absolutely needed. I would think after examining those things we'd understand why our Heavenly Father took the time to warn us about our hearts. But not too many people are understanding that too well these days (me included). We are told to guard our hearts. And we're not just to guard them but to make it a priority to do so. Now, I'll admit that I've given my heart away a few times. One time, I gave my heart and my mind away (ha...double-whammy). That situation almost killed me (literally) and that was when God had to really start from the beginning and break down this thing with my heart. You see, the heart is the one of the places on you no one can physically touch (unless in surgery or something but work with me here). God created it and tucked it neatly behind skin, flesh, and a beautiful rib cage. Perhaps this could be the first sign of God's intent. Then we can look at the heart's function. It gives life to the body. If one were to literally give away their heart, they can no longer live (clearly). Even with all these wonderful characteristics of the heart, we are admonished in Jeremiah 17:9 that the heart is deceitful among all things. That means that following your heart....not such a good idea. Sorry Walt Disney. Sucker-punch Hollywood. ok..so why? I know that's the question now. Proverbs 4:23 tells us that it is the wellspring of life or another version says for out of it flows the issues of life. That means your values, beliefs, truths, lies, etc., they all begin with your heart. Thus, when we accept salvation, it's equally important to confess with our mouths as it is to believe with our hearts (Romans 10:9). A common religious saying is that this is allowing Jesus to live in your heart. If the heart is Jesus' resting place, why are we giving it to other people? I'm convinced because we open the door of our hearts to Jesus and just talk to Him at the door instead of inviting Him in. And because we do that, there is a void left which is the one Jesus is supposed to fill. The answer can be right in front of us, friends, and we can be missing it all along. So we go through life trying to fill that void. We give our hearts to others hoping that they can at least ease the feeling of emptiness. And as we continue to live, we find that it's only temporary. God has placed within each of us, not only a capacity to be loved and wanted, but the capacity to love others. While I'm not telling anyone never to fall in love, it should be within the right context. Knowing God is knowing LOVE in it's purest form. Allowing that love to fill your heart will increase your capacity to love. Not only will it increase your capacity to love but it will discipline your heart to love the way God intended for it to. God ordained love and He ordained marriage and when God places a man and a woman together as husband and wife, if they are receptive, He places in them a capacity to love each other deeply because they will be mini images to each other of God's love for them individually and collectively. One might ask why I can speak so freely about such a subject being only 20 and single. Well, God has given me an AWESOME example of this with my parents. And God willing, one day, He will bless me with something like that of my own. BUT, as for now, I still get to stand as guard of my heart. That means I determine who I let in. I've discovered that I can no longer afford to give away my heart. It's too costly and why would I give something that isn't mine in the first place?!? That's pretty rude, don't you think?
So....I don't think I'll ever stop being a hopeless romantic. It's all around me. But one thing I now realize is that following your heart can leave you crippled and listening to your heart can leave you deaf. Guarding your heart can leave you fortified as a city. It is what it is.
Thanks for bearing with me. To the people: Guard your hearts.
Phileo love y'all,
Ash B.
All Eyes Are On You, Jesus
"Lord forgive us when we get consumed by the things of this world,That fight for our love, and our passion,As our eyes are open wide and on you.Grant us the privilege of your world view,And may your kingdom be, what wakes us up, and lays us down. I DON'T WANT TO GAIN THE WHOLE WORLD AND LOSE MY SOUL." -"Lose My Soul" by tobyMac feat. Kirk Franklin and Mandisa
I was on MySpace this morning because I wanted to listen to some gospel music without using too much of myalotted monthly gigabytes of internet here (long story). Anyway, in recent years I've been really drawn to the contemporary Christian movement/ alternative Christian movement (I'm just about through with gospel...but that's another story for another time). The first group I heard like this was a group by the name of dcTalk. I was about 12 or 13 years old in the old DC Convention Center for a Youth convention and as they blasted out an intensely different version of "Our God is an Awesome God", I stood there in tears. The front man was a young white male by the name of tobyMac. From then on, I was convinced. dcTalk does not perform anymore but tobyMac's ministry is still strong years later. The lyrics that I began this post with are from his song "Lose My Soul". The lyrics are so real and reflect where I am right now. I may not be a world renowned recording artist or even close to what would be considered popular by any means. But....we all have those things that we constantly have to fight against in order to keep us close to the cross. I've been really trying to push to stay in close to Christ because of the mere fact that I realize that He is the air that I breathe. Without Him, I exist. I do not live. Even though this is something so clear to me.....there are some things in my life with which I just STRUGGLE. We all struggle. We all have to deal with the sting of personal sin. We all can be enticed at times with what the Bible tells us is "the way that seemeth right unto men but the end leads to destruction" (Pr. 14:12). But we have a choice. We have a choice to continue to look to Jesus. You may fall but keep looking to Him. You may give in to that fleshly desire but continue to look to Him. You may give in to that wayward thought but continue to look to Him. Trying to do better but you can't seem to shake those trifling habits, continue to look to Him. Here's what the apostle Paul tells us is God's spin on the issue: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. LOOKING UNTO JESUS, the author and the finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Heb. 12:1-2)
So many of us fall back from God when we mess up. I understand the feeling....when you know you've done wrong by Him, you can't help but to be overtaken with remorse, regret, and great fear. It's natural; I would even say that it's something similar to what happens when as children we disobey our parents and are too afraid to go to them when they call for us. We must understand that when Jesus died on the cross for our sins, he did it as the propitiation for us. Propitiation is just a fancy word that means he took our place. And so when we sin, it does not surprise God. He's so good at His role as Providence that He sent His most precious possession to clean the slate BEFORE we ever graced this earth. I need someone to get the magnitude of this. Before we had the opportunity to sin, He had already made provisions so that our sins would not be the separation factor. Therefore, we do not have to experience the wrath of God. Let's not get it twisted, however; Hebrews 12:10 says "Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness." This means that just because we may not experience the wrath of God does not mean that we will not share in the discipline of God. Discipline and wrath are two separate things; sin blurs the lines between the two. Wisdom recognizes the discipline of God and realizes that it produces what verse 13 goes on to say is "a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." God still calls us to walk worthy of the calling. That will not change. When we mess up, His love for us won't change either. Therefore, friends, it is only logical that we use our mistakes as opportunities to only CONTINUE to draw nigh unto God. Press through the guilt, press through the shame, press through the self-crucifixion on to freedom in Jesus. We all are at the foot of the cross, plunged beneath that flood of Jesus' blood. Therefore, when we accept the gift of salvation, God looks down and sees us under the blood. Under the new covenant.
So...I say all that to say.....Get back in the game and get focused. A real football player doesn't quit the whole sport because he loses a game...he'll whine a little, think about what could have been done differently, and the next day he's right back out there on the field trying to make things better. You see, our Heavenly Father is not nearly as complicated as we love to make Him. I think over-complication of God in our heads is a tactic used by us to make excuses for our actions. Well, I'm tired of making excuses. It's time to be in this thing to win it. God is bigger than life, true. But here's His secret and this is why He's God. He can be bigger than life and as small and intimate as we need Him to be. Now that's complication! But not the type of complication that deflects but it's the complication that has drawn and will continue to draw countless people unto Himself.
Another blog for the people. ALL EYES ARE ON YOU, JESUS. ALL EYES ARE ON YOU.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
I was on MySpace this morning because I wanted to listen to some gospel music without using too much of myalotted monthly gigabytes of internet here (long story). Anyway, in recent years I've been really drawn to the contemporary Christian movement/ alternative Christian movement (I'm just about through with gospel...but that's another story for another time). The first group I heard like this was a group by the name of dcTalk. I was about 12 or 13 years old in the old DC Convention Center for a Youth convention and as they blasted out an intensely different version of "Our God is an Awesome God", I stood there in tears. The front man was a young white male by the name of tobyMac. From then on, I was convinced. dcTalk does not perform anymore but tobyMac's ministry is still strong years later. The lyrics that I began this post with are from his song "Lose My Soul". The lyrics are so real and reflect where I am right now. I may not be a world renowned recording artist or even close to what would be considered popular by any means. But....we all have those things that we constantly have to fight against in order to keep us close to the cross. I've been really trying to push to stay in close to Christ because of the mere fact that I realize that He is the air that I breathe. Without Him, I exist. I do not live. Even though this is something so clear to me.....there are some things in my life with which I just STRUGGLE. We all struggle. We all have to deal with the sting of personal sin. We all can be enticed at times with what the Bible tells us is "the way that seemeth right unto men but the end leads to destruction" (Pr. 14:12). But we have a choice. We have a choice to continue to look to Jesus. You may fall but keep looking to Him. You may give in to that fleshly desire but continue to look to Him. You may give in to that wayward thought but continue to look to Him. Trying to do better but you can't seem to shake those trifling habits, continue to look to Him. Here's what the apostle Paul tells us is God's spin on the issue: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. LOOKING UNTO JESUS, the author and the finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Heb. 12:1-2)
So many of us fall back from God when we mess up. I understand the feeling....when you know you've done wrong by Him, you can't help but to be overtaken with remorse, regret, and great fear. It's natural; I would even say that it's something similar to what happens when as children we disobey our parents and are too afraid to go to them when they call for us. We must understand that when Jesus died on the cross for our sins, he did it as the propitiation for us. Propitiation is just a fancy word that means he took our place. And so when we sin, it does not surprise God. He's so good at His role as Providence that He sent His most precious possession to clean the slate BEFORE we ever graced this earth. I need someone to get the magnitude of this. Before we had the opportunity to sin, He had already made provisions so that our sins would not be the separation factor. Therefore, we do not have to experience the wrath of God. Let's not get it twisted, however; Hebrews 12:10 says "Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness." This means that just because we may not experience the wrath of God does not mean that we will not share in the discipline of God. Discipline and wrath are two separate things; sin blurs the lines between the two. Wisdom recognizes the discipline of God and realizes that it produces what verse 13 goes on to say is "a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." God still calls us to walk worthy of the calling. That will not change. When we mess up, His love for us won't change either. Therefore, friends, it is only logical that we use our mistakes as opportunities to only CONTINUE to draw nigh unto God. Press through the guilt, press through the shame, press through the self-crucifixion on to freedom in Jesus. We all are at the foot of the cross, plunged beneath that flood of Jesus' blood. Therefore, when we accept the gift of salvation, God looks down and sees us under the blood. Under the new covenant.
So...I say all that to say.....Get back in the game and get focused. A real football player doesn't quit the whole sport because he loses a game...he'll whine a little, think about what could have been done differently, and the next day he's right back out there on the field trying to make things better. You see, our Heavenly Father is not nearly as complicated as we love to make Him. I think over-complication of God in our heads is a tactic used by us to make excuses for our actions. Well, I'm tired of making excuses. It's time to be in this thing to win it. God is bigger than life, true. But here's His secret and this is why He's God. He can be bigger than life and as small and intimate as we need Him to be. Now that's complication! But not the type of complication that deflects but it's the complication that has drawn and will continue to draw countless people unto Himself.
Another blog for the people. ALL EYES ARE ON YOU, JESUS. ALL EYES ARE ON YOU.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Naturally....
Here's another one...hoping God is pleased. It's a bit long but...I had to get the words out.
Naturally....
copyright 2008 Ashley Burton
Naturally
I wish to see
Fulfillment of my dreams
And all the other things
I may have had in mind.
But for some reason
Naturally
My tendencies and decencies,
Insecurities and whimsical fantasies
Don’t line up with His will
So I’m stuck between
Being naturally acceptable or naturally wrong
Rarely can both coexist because
The difference between the natural and the greater of this (the supernatural)
Is too irreconcilable to clump together.
Living in a world where wrong is right and compromise is heavenly
Naturally
My view of The Father gets clouded sometimes in this
Satirical element I call life.
I want what I want and
Naturally
He gets what He wants in the end so
I’m figurin’
Naturally
It’s time to just give up trying to fight against
Destiny.
Destiny-
Where you are
Naturally
Called to be in life,
I can’t see mine too great,
Blinded by natural affections
Of sinful injections
Which turn into rejections and then inflections
Of voices during tearful reflections
And then it becomes clear….
Naturally
He knows what’s best for me
And
He owns my kismet
Yet
Naturally
It remains a challenge for me to trust Him.
Clearly He’s already told me
Put no trust in the flesh
And I’ve seen the mess
that can cause.
I just
Can’t let go because
Naturally
That’s what familiar to me.
Naturally flawed
I crawl
To His feet and ask for help
For mercy and grace when I need it most
Because that’s His Word and
He wouldn’t have put it there
Had it not been true
I read again the 4th chapter of Hebrews
And know that’s what I am to do.
Naturally
It’s a humbling thing
But again Perfection
Against the disdain of this imperfect being
Is enough for me
To
Naturally
Drop to my knees in awe
Of such a loving and gracious God
Who
Naturally
Knew me
And beckoned me
To be
His.
Not just in word but in deed
And naturally
I’m overjoyed
Because he’s given me another chance
To not sit and glance
But to plow the fields and work
To open my mouth
To cast away cynic’s doubts
About Him and His Word.
So I guess you could say
Naturally
I was born to be this way.
Forget me
I just
Naturally
Want to be with Him forever.
Through whatever
I want Him to be able to say
“You did it My Way.
Now come and
Naturally
Take part in the rest I’ve prepared for Thee.”
That’s my biggest plea
Y’all
To be more and more acceptable unto Him
Who, without fail, will be faithful
Even until my end.
Because when it’s said and done
That’s about the only thing
That to me
Is right
Naturally.
Naturally....
copyright 2008 Ashley Burton
Naturally
I wish to see
Fulfillment of my dreams
And all the other things
I may have had in mind.
But for some reason
Naturally
My tendencies and decencies,
Insecurities and whimsical fantasies
Don’t line up with His will
So I’m stuck between
Being naturally acceptable or naturally wrong
Rarely can both coexist because
The difference between the natural and the greater of this (the supernatural)
Is too irreconcilable to clump together.
Living in a world where wrong is right and compromise is heavenly
Naturally
My view of The Father gets clouded sometimes in this
Satirical element I call life.
I want what I want and
Naturally
He gets what He wants in the end so
I’m figurin’
Naturally
It’s time to just give up trying to fight against
Destiny.
Destiny-
Where you are
Naturally
Called to be in life,
I can’t see mine too great,
Blinded by natural affections
Of sinful injections
Which turn into rejections and then inflections
Of voices during tearful reflections
And then it becomes clear….
Naturally
He knows what’s best for me
And
He owns my kismet
Yet
Naturally
It remains a challenge for me to trust Him.
Clearly He’s already told me
Put no trust in the flesh
And I’ve seen the mess
that can cause.
I just
Can’t let go because
Naturally
That’s what familiar to me.
Naturally flawed
I crawl
To His feet and ask for help
For mercy and grace when I need it most
Because that’s His Word and
He wouldn’t have put it there
Had it not been true
I read again the 4th chapter of Hebrews
And know that’s what I am to do.
Naturally
It’s a humbling thing
But again Perfection
Against the disdain of this imperfect being
Is enough for me
To
Naturally
Drop to my knees in awe
Of such a loving and gracious God
Who
Naturally
Knew me
And beckoned me
To be
His.
Not just in word but in deed
And naturally
I’m overjoyed
Because he’s given me another chance
To not sit and glance
But to plow the fields and work
To open my mouth
To cast away cynic’s doubts
About Him and His Word.
So I guess you could say
Naturally
I was born to be this way.
Forget me
I just
Naturally
Want to be with Him forever.
Through whatever
I want Him to be able to say
“You did it My Way.
Now come and
Naturally
Take part in the rest I’ve prepared for Thee.”
That’s my biggest plea
Y’all
To be more and more acceptable unto Him
Who, without fail, will be faithful
Even until my end.
Because when it’s said and done
That’s about the only thing
That to me
Is right
Naturally.
I.Walk.Alone.
...decided to try my hand at this poetry thing again after almost a 2 year hiatus....hope the ppl like it.
I.Walk.Alone.
copyright 2008 Ashley Burton
I walk alone
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I navigate through this thing called life
With the people at my side
Changing all the time
And yet when they’re here
Still nothing’s ever clear
I.Walk.Alone.
Been trying to find my voice
Something unique amongst the shouts
Something beckoning change and resistance
Something sweet and comforting in some instances.
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I.Walk.Alone.
Keep looking in the mirror
At this reflection I see
And while it’s not traditional beauty
It does just fine for Him
And in due time will do just fine for him
So I refuse to worry about which beauty standards I uphold
Because there’s nothing more beautiful than being bold
Enough to defy the tricks and the lies
After 20 years of shallow and baseless cries
I’ve come to this conclusion:
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I.Walk.Alone.
Observing the world around me
Mixture of a sense of pride and pity
Pride in this gift that the Father so wonderfully gave,
Pity in this mess that we have made,
Ask me how I feel about it and I will say
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I.Walk.Alone.
It’s not pride and it’s not fear
To me, it still isn’t clear
But the road less travelled isn’t one for popularity
And I choose to chart a course of solidarity
Though I walk alone, I walk not for myself
And in everything, I try to give my level best
‘Til the day He completes that perfect work in me
Peculiarity is what you’ll see
Don’t be alarmed by my comfortability
To be who I am without apology
Apologies take too much energy
And frankly I can’t live if I can’t be who I be
I’m telling you now this is who I am
A child of difference, unafraid to take a stand
Conformity is comfort, unique is a challenge
Mediocrity is safety, excellence is danger.
So I’m telling you now so you won’t have to wonder
This is in no way telling you to under-
Estimate me, but just so you know:
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I.Walk.Alone.
I.Walk.Alone.
copyright 2008 Ashley Burton
I walk alone
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I navigate through this thing called life
With the people at my side
Changing all the time
And yet when they’re here
Still nothing’s ever clear
I.Walk.Alone.
Been trying to find my voice
Something unique amongst the shouts
Something beckoning change and resistance
Something sweet and comforting in some instances.
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I.Walk.Alone.
Keep looking in the mirror
At this reflection I see
And while it’s not traditional beauty
It does just fine for Him
And in due time will do just fine for him
So I refuse to worry about which beauty standards I uphold
Because there’s nothing more beautiful than being bold
Enough to defy the tricks and the lies
After 20 years of shallow and baseless cries
I’ve come to this conclusion:
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I.Walk.Alone.
Observing the world around me
Mixture of a sense of pride and pity
Pride in this gift that the Father so wonderfully gave,
Pity in this mess that we have made,
Ask me how I feel about it and I will say
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I.Walk.Alone.
It’s not pride and it’s not fear
To me, it still isn’t clear
But the road less travelled isn’t one for popularity
And I choose to chart a course of solidarity
Though I walk alone, I walk not for myself
And in everything, I try to give my level best
‘Til the day He completes that perfect work in me
Peculiarity is what you’ll see
Don’t be alarmed by my comfortability
To be who I am without apology
Apologies take too much energy
And frankly I can’t live if I can’t be who I be
I’m telling you now this is who I am
A child of difference, unafraid to take a stand
Conformity is comfort, unique is a challenge
Mediocrity is safety, excellence is danger.
So I’m telling you now so you won’t have to wonder
This is in no way telling you to under-
Estimate me, but just so you know:
Never been one for crowds
But never one to walk with my head down
I.Walk.Alone.
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