Daring to Love

Hey friends...

Just a few brief thoughts today.

I am 21 yrs. old (yay for me...lol). I am at the point in my life when I am starting to look around and notice how many of my peers are getting engaged, married, having children, etc. And to be brutally honest, I get downright jealous at times.

But one of the things I've had to realize is that...there is a reason why I'm waiting. There's a reason why the Lord has me single at this point in my life (though I must admit, I hope that this singleness is just a season and not a lifetime. Either way, the Lord will sustain me). It's been an absolute intense struggle for me to just trust God and allow Him to love me like He desires to. I can be so cold and isolated towards Him at times and I realize that if I do this to Him, I will probably do this to whomever the Lord sends to me (if He indeed has someone in mind for me).

So, I've been trying to do better. I've been trying to use all this energy to do some good and for the most part, when I'm busy doing the Lord's work or schoolwork (as it were...lol), I am not consumed with what I do and don't have.

I would like to dedicate this post to my family who love me beyond my little quirks and know me like no other people in this world. To my friends and sorority sisters, what kind of life would I have without you all in it? You are one of the amazing joys of life. I would like to dedicate this post to my two godchildren, through whom the Lord has allowed me to partially peak into the joys of parenthood and who, through their innocence, teach me the meaning of having faith like a child. These people dare to love me inspite of, despite, and because and that's the most awesome feeling in the world.

And I'd like to dedicate this post to my future husband. If you are in God's plan for my life, I know that God is completing works in both of us at this point so that when He brings us together, we will know how to perfectly complement each other while He perfectly completes us. I am daring to love you without knowing you by continuing my promise to God and you to keep myself until the appointed time. (extended version of this to come...)

To the PEOPLE, dare to love God and yourself first in order to meet the challenge of truly loving others.

Ash B.

Why Do We.....

Did this at the VERITAS Coffeehouse on 3/20...it's been on my mind a lot lately. It definitely comes off different when spoken but you should get the point :).

Why do we, who
possess natural, intense beauty
depend on artificial beauty
to define who we are?

Ok…true life…this is me.
I wake up in the morning
look in the mirror
“bleh”.
I’ve got to do something about these spots on my skin
and add some color to my eyes,
comb my hair this way (wait, no, that way),
make sure the lip gloss is poppin’
and this is just the first level of defense.

Clothes…
“omg, I have nothing to wear!”
my thoughts as clothes bust out my drawer
(Lord, I could use a lesson on living a simple life).
So I put this shirt with this shirt,
but this shirt is kinda ugly, and if I wear that one,
I can’t wear those jeans. But do those jeans make me fat?
No, those are the “too loose” ones.why so serious??? Ugh.

Ok…so once fully dressed, I look in the mirror
and resolve myself that I’m not Beyonce or Tyra (Banks),
and I’m ready to go.
sure, I’m not satisfied but who ever is?

Walk out my dorm and look around…and here’s when the real circus begins
“omg…I want her shoes.”, “Those pants go so nicely with her skin tone.”
“I need to get me those glasses.”
ALL DAY LONG. I’m tired.

Rarely do I stop to ever think that God created me, me, for a purpose.
That every skin cell, every curve, and even every perceived flaw was all in His master design.
rarely do I stop to question my motives for even questioning myself…
by who’s values were these values that I’m holding myself to created.
(Clearly it’s someone who wanted me to go crazy.)

Why is it that I spend more hours in the day caring about if someone
looks at me and sees something aesthetically pleasing rather than someone intellectually stimulating,
and why is it that I’d rather have someone refer to me as “sweetheart” rather than “sister”.
(I mean it just runs across my mind…sometimes…not too often though).

Why is it that I predict how people see me before I actually know
and just because nothing’s said I assume the worst?
What is it in me that longs for the artificial attention artificial beauty brings rather than
intricate attention the Father gives because He intricately created me in the image of Beauty
because He is the standard of Beauty.

Look around you, (especially in the past few days) State College has been such a pleasant place
because with the sun out you can see the natural aura that surrounds this place.
The wind blowing playfully, the trees dancing and the leaves singing the chorus of Nature’s song,
the mountains laid out in a marvelous landscape surrounding the city,
few can imitate this…and yet the Creator of these masterful works
created me too and I look in the mirror in disgust sometimes.
What does that say to Him? Better yet, what does that say to me?

You are beautiful.
I’ve been given permission by the creator of beauty to use that word for you.
(I have no clue who gave these other people the permission…)
You are unique and you are you. If you don’t hear it enough, come to me, I’ll tell you.
Don’t trick yourselves…beauty’s not in the eye of the beholder.
That’s probably the most selfish statement I’ve heard.
If someone does not see the beauty they possess, it can be hard to see it in others.
And there’s no standard of beauty…being 5’10 with light skin, a lean mean body, and extensions in your hair is NOT the “it” thing.
Beauty is not ONLY skin deep…God didn’t create it to be just skin deep.
Rather, it is truly a process of the interior moving to the exterior.

Just to prove my point…why can an attractive woman be considered beautiful until she opens her mouth?
After that, she can just be considered pretty.
It’s the content of what’s coming from her mouth
(remember the Word: Out of the mouth the abundance of the heart speaks)
that is the breaking point for beauty.
So in a society that’s great for contradictions, I wouldn’t be so quick to take their word about beauty.
He made you. He knows you. He loves you. And you’re beautiful!

Remember the words of Isaiah 53:2, "He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him."
Jesus is still our Beautiful Savior...and He's our Beautiful Savior because of His actions towards us, not His physical attractiveness to us.

Another one for the beautiful people,
Ash B.

Hiding behind Political Views

So...it's been awhile. A long while.

Since the last time I wrote:
1) America elected it's first African American president.
2) I am literally weeks away from my graduation from Penn State.
3) God is still on the throne....or as Pastor Harry from State College Assembly says, "God is good, the devil is bad, and I know whose side I'm on!"

Now that that's out of the way...on to the important thing I need to get off my chest. So I call myself trying to be more educated; I've been trying to read different blogs to get different perspectives about things that are happening, especially perspectives from the Christian side of things. And after reading some of these, I can truly understand why in America, conservative Evangelicals come off as sooo judgmental. Now, I do not declare myself a conservative or liberal; I can give or take a few things from both sides. And I wouldn't necessarily consider myself an evangelical Christian...I grew up in a Baptist church my whole life yet I attend an Assemblies of God congregation in State College. So, I have absolutely nothing against evangelicals. What I do have a problem with, however (and this may just be a personal qualm), is the way some conservative evangelicals are so adamantly Republican that they cannot step back from it and see what's wrong with the party. I am a registered Democrat but you will never hear me say that there's nothing wrong with the Democrat Party or even assert that. I was reading a blog by my pastor in State College and I always love to read the comments to his posts because the people who comment are mostly white, conservative evangelicals. I find it interesting how a couple of them can find no good in President Obama but is willing to defend President Bush (43). I find it funny how they are willing to defend President Bush (43)'s salvation and adamantly claim that President Obama is not a Christian. Now, I am not defending President Obama's pro-choice stance; I do not support that. But claiming that W. was a Christian and then defending his actions because he was a "babe in Christ" is not right. It is equally not right to just outright say that President Obama is not saved. None of the people commenting know neither W. or Obama personally so commenting on the status of their salvation is, to me, prematurely judging. I think that the most important point to realize is that neither of these men base their decisions solely on their relationships with Christ (if they have one), which still leaves the "Christian" America in potential danger.

Another problem I have is people hiding behind political and religious views to mask true prejudices. I am not convinced that every white, conservative evangelical dislikes Obama because he is a liberal democrat. Some of them dislike him because he is black. Truth is truth. I am never one to assume that it's always the case but I am not naive as well. Covert racism is one of the biggest dividers in the Church of Jesus Christ (not of Latter Day Saints) today. Sunday morning is STILL the most segregated hour in America. And we have the conservative evangelicals whining about how Obama "gets away with murder" with the media. Pleasssseeee someone give me a break! I want them to be able to tell me that had this not been their beloved John McCain that we would be having this same conversation. I have hardly heard people call into question his relationship with the Lord and I don't believe that if he had gotten into the White House that things would be much different than they are now.

So my question is: If we do feel like Obama does not have a relationship with the Lord, how do we plan to bring him in right relationship? I know one thing: these scathing reviews from so called Evangelical Christians will not do it. Are we indeed isolating the people we're called to love and win for Christ? I don't think there's anything wrong with political commentary but some of it just borderlines hateful speech. But then again, these are the same people who listen to the man who hopes Obama fails (Rush Limbaugh--though he himself is not necessarily a Christian, he has a HUGE evangelical backing.)

I did not agree with W. on everything (though he had my support on more than a few things...more than I can say Obama has with conservatives), I never hoped that he failed. But then again, maybe that's the Christ in me.

If you want to show me what it means to be a Christian, show me that love that Christ was known for. This includes doing what the Bible instructs: praying for our leaders and giving them, at the least, our respect.

One more for THE PEOPLE,
Ash B.

Somebody'S Watching You

Somebody'S Watching You
by Sly and the Family Stone

pretty pretty pretty as a picture
witty witty witty as you can be
blind cause your eyes see only glitter
closed to the things that make you free

ever stop to think about a downfall
happens at the end of every line
just when you think you’ve pulled a fast one
happens to the foolish all the time

somebody’s watching you (4’xs)

games are to played with toys etcetera
love is to be made when you’re for real
ups and downs are caused by life in general
some are yours no matter how you feel

shady as a lady in a mustache
feelings camouflaged by groans and grins
secrets have a special way about them
moving to and fro among your friends

somebody’s watching you (4’xs)

live it up today if you want to
live it down tomorrow afternoon
sunday school don’t make you cool forever
neither does the silver of your spoon
the nicer the nice the higher the price
this is what you pay for what you need
the higher the price the nicer the nice
jealous people like to see you bleed

somebody’s watching you (4x’s and fades out)

STAND!

I don't care what anyone says.....Sly and the Family Stone spoke TRUTH.

STAND!
By: Sly and the Family Stone

Stand
In the end you'll still be you
One that's done all the things you set out to do
Stand
There's a cross for you to bear
Things to go through if you're going anywhere
Stand
For the things you know are right
It's the truth that the truth makes them so uptight
Stand
All the things you want are real
You have you to complete and there is no deal
Stand. stand, stand Stand. stand, stand
Stand
You've been sitting much too long
There's a permanent crease in your right and wrong
Stand
There's a midget standing tall
And the giant beside him about to fall
Stand.
stand, stand Stand. stand, stand
Stand
They will try to make you crawl
And they know what you're saying makes sense and all
Stand
Don't you know that you are free
Well at least in your mind if you want to be
Everybody Stand, stand, stand

Doing my best to continue to stand.

A. B.

DADDY'S GIRL

I am a Daddy's Girl....I mean, a Daddy's girl to my heart! I love that man listed on my birth certificate as my father. We're extremely close. We talk everyday...several times aday and I doubt seriously that I'd get tired of talking to good ol' GB. He's stamped me....anyone can look at me and see that He's clearly my father. Ther older I get, the mote I appreciate his wisdome, intelligence, humor, and LOVE (among other things). I love him because he takes care of me and truly has my best interest at heart. This is the way God designed for it to be. And plenty of people have probably heard me express the sentiment that if anything ever happened to my Daddy, life would be hard to live. He's just that important to me.

And now I parallel that to God the Father. I SHOULD love Him to my heart and tell everyone my adoring sentiments towards Him. But sometimes my selfishness blocks me from loving Him as I should. He's close to me but my heart is far from Him. My lips (words) are closer to Him but I'm living for the day when my heart surpasses my words in my relationship with Him. We should talk everyday but I might skip a day...or seven. He, too, has stamped me...it's just that I can choose whether or not to display His stamp. People should be able to look at me and tell that I am His but....it doesn't quite happen that way all the time. The more mature I get, I SHOULD appreciate His WISDOM, OMNIPOTENCE, OMNIPRESENCE, LOVE, etc. but the problem is that I'm more comfortable being at a standstill in the maturation process. And without Him, there'd be no life, PERIOD. So even though, naturally, I'm a daddy's girl, I'm striving to be a Daddy's girl. I'm striving to be more like The Father (God) everday. Just as with my natural daddy, I'm striving to make Him proud. I'm striving to move beyond "father" because that doesn't denote relationship. "Daddy" screams relationship. And because that's what HE desires more than anything, it draws me to desire it for myself. I just want to be a DADDY'S GIRL.

For the people.
Ash B.

Faithful is Our God!

So...we took Brandon down to Hampton this weekend because he's in this 5 week Pre-College Prep Program. He's settled in and having a good time, thank the Lord. It's not that he wouldn't it's just hard to explain how we were feeling.

Brandon is like everyone's baby. He's the child that everyone expects to stay in high school for the rest of his life. Not saying that he's a bad student or anything to that extent but you just never expect him to grow up, and not this fast. I must confess, i was extremely worried about B going to college. He's not the most responsible and tends to forget things. I'm guessing that's typical 18 year old boy behavior. My mother was getting extremely frustrated with Hampton because of the lack of clarity and therefore the abundance of confusion. We even thought about checking out one of the branch campuses of Penn State for him. Well, Friday rolled in and we had to take him down. We got down there, checked him in, and went to find his dorm. Great. Smooth sailing. His dorm isn't the best but that's not what this entry is about so I'll spare the gory details. We went to a mandatory meeting, went out to dinner, etc. He stayed with us the first night. Saturday was pretty similar but I really don't feel like bustin' out all those details. SO on to Sunday. Brandon's dorm director is a man named Elder Raymond Cullen. When Mommy and I first met him on that Friday night, we were waiting for Brandon to come downstairs so we talked to him for a few minutes. He was a nice guy. Brandon went to church with him on Sunday under strict instructions from my father. After church, he comes over to talk to me and my parents. Wow! Let me tell you how God hooked this thing up! God set my brother up with someone who has a kindred spirit with my family and is reminiscent of my father. God knew that would be something Brandon would need. Elder Cullen spoke highly of the way Brandon spoke about us, telling us it was definitely not the norm. He also spoke highly of how my parents raised us. He looked at me and said that God had something big in store for both Brandon and I BUT this came with a Word of warning. He told us that testing time is coming and specifically for Brandon, that God was going to do a precision incision. He said that Brandon would bleed but in the end, he would thank God for the blood (in both senses). He told us to get ready and not to blame everything on the devil. When Jesus went into the wilderness, He was led by the Spirit into a time of testing. The same thing goes for us. God will sometimes lead us into a time of testing and allow us to be in wilderness situations. That thing blessed my soul! And he was really able to just pour into my father as the man of our house and as a pastor. He was such a blessing and a God-send. So my family was able leave there reassured that God was completely in control and that he knows exactly what he was doing. God is indeed faithful!



Instances like this always call me from fact to truth and cause me to realize God's truth over man's facts anyday. I thank God that He remains in control, no matter what things look like. And i thank Him even more than He chooses to show us that He's still in control