The Beautiful Facade

I was blessed to be able to read an article on crosswalk.com (excellent devotional site for Christians) the other day and I came across an article talking about showing the true you. I clicked on it to see what the author had to say (I can be a bit critical of readings with self-help type overtones) and surprisingly, I found my life story. Let me explain....

The author, like myself, is a pastor's child and for most of his life felt the pressure to be that perfect child, not just for his own sake but (indirectly) for the sake of his father. What he found out as he got older was that what he portrayed in the church and in the community was not the real him. There was so much of his personality and his character that he masked because of the pressure to be. He called it The Beautiful Façade.

I parallel to my own life: I've only been a pastor's kid for 5 years but my dad has been in full-time ministry since I was 9. Prior to that, he was a deacon and a minister. So I've always been a kid to look at from the church's point of view. I worked so hard to just be that perfect girl that younger girls would look up to and that mothers would want their daughters to be. Slowly, it became, what I now identify as, an obsession. I wasn't pretty enough to be America's Next Top PK but I was smart enough to be in Who's Who. I worked so hard to perfect something that simply wasn't and still would mess up. I thank God for my soror Patrice who was the first to really call out what I was dealing with. It was the spirit of pride. I know when most people see PRIDE, they think arrogance. But pride is so multi-faceted as a sin, you can be dealing with it AND NOT EVEN KNOW IT. I was too proud to let who I really am shine forth (flaws and all), I was too proud to let God deal with me on the issue, I was too proud to admit that it had become a problem. My life was one daily masquerade after another. I was so good at one time that I could wear two or three masks at once.

But this is where God steps in: Thank God for small victories. I was able to identify the problem. Now what is the root? Unhealthy ideals about myself and longing for everyone's stamp of approval (when I say everyone, I mean everyone. I wanted your goldfish to like me.) So here's what God showed me...to a certain extent, I am still the Beautiful Façade. I let only a select few see me for who I am and that still is a diluted version. This Beautiful Façade has led me to be reserved, not BOLD. And my self-esteem....under construction. What God is trying to do is break down this barrier, this façade, this heart of stone (Ez. 36:26) so that I may continue on to my destiny in Him.

Why? (well, that's what I asked too). First, BOLDNESS is needed to be an ambassador for Christ (II Cor. 5:17-21). For in order to truly know Christ, you must know Him in all areas (in the fellowship of His suffering, in the power of His resurrection Phil. 3:7-10). You must risk your reputation and rejection for the cause of Christ. Under my façade?? I know I wouldn't (at least not completely). Second, low self-esteem reflects negatively on the creator. Now, I'm convicted writing this and I know it's a work in progress so bare with me. God created us...in His image. We are creator's originals, each of us. Me not liking my Creator's original is not only blatantly telling God I don't like what He's made but to the unbeliever, what type of image does that cast of God? Does it say "Come to Jesus...He can do anything except for make you like yourself"?? OR What does it do to scriptures like Psalm 139, which specifically speaks to your self-esteem? It's impossible to have a completely healthy image of God without having a healthy image of yourself. (this is not a segway into Conceit 101). Just know that God made you beautiful/handsome...and walk in that beauty (not waddle and immerse yourself, just walk. Be easy.) My third and final point....Being you. Look friend...if God didn't think He made something good when He made you, He obviously wouldn't have done so. Hiding behind people's perceptions and expectations shows your commitment to them and your lack of commitment to what God thinks. RED FLAG: YOU'RE A PEOPLE PLEASER. Before you get mad, it takes one to know one. I'm there with you. Our lives should radiate the love of God through our actions, thoughts, and words. If your personality and character are within those contexts, LIVE, MY BROTHER, LIVE! God doesn't say that we should all be quiet, or all be loud, or all be funny. That would be pretty boring and God is a pretty creative God. I mean who's that creative to make you the only you? None before you and none after you. My point exactly.
Whatever you do, please don't find yourself in my shoes with a façade that God has to break through just to get to you. He loves, loves, loves you and thinks the whole world of you. Jeremiah 31:3 says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with lovingkindness." A lot of times we think we're ready to know our destiny and we're ready to ministry and all God wants from us that moment is to take us back to the basics.

...Now it'll be a trip if God brought me all the way to France to see all this...but I guess it's over here where my ears aren't so clogged with the hustle and bustle and I can clearly distinguish between His voice and my whisper...

Phileo Love ya'll,
Ash