It's been a minute. I'll be the first to admit it.
I was sitting in my room alone, something I've done a lot of in the past few days. There has been such a blockage in my mind over the past few weeks; how could I have let myself slip so far away from His grasp. I was doing fine....I was excited about God...I was making progress that only He and I knew about and then bam! I hit a mental brick wall. I'll be the first to admit that things hadn't been the same since I wrote the Prototype blog but had it thrown me THAT far off that I couldn't bounce back like I normally do. I tried to dust myself off and get back to business as usual but I simply could not for some reason. I consumed my time with the MEDIA...any and everything I could to distract me from the issues in my mind. I was smart enough to take this as an opportunity not to fall back into depression...but had I really? I was up and moving around...I was normal around my friends over here...the Ashley who could always be counted on to say something to send the people around me into a fit of laughter. Still comfortable in that facade, I quietly think to myself.
I'll admit...these past 2 weeks haven't been ones to bring up the fondest of memories. True, I went to Vienna, Prague, and Geneva and had a wonderful time with some great gal pals of mine. But also, within those same two weeks, I was robbed on the Metro in Prague (my new laptop...OUCH, I know), had been rejected for a summer job that I really wanted (the only reason I brought my laptop on the trip in the first place), and had a relapse into negative self-thinking. Where had all the positive energy gone? Most importantly, I had a serious communication block with my Savior. Broken and not knowing the words to say, I had been to this place many times before. The feeling is indescribable (that's a euphemism). It's definitely not one of the top 10 feelings in the world. When always found at this place before, as with this time, there never seemed to be the right words. All I could do is sit there and rationalize in my judgmental mind all the reasons why God would NOT want to hear from lil ol' me. Repeating the vicious cycle of old, I let it drive a tiny wedge between me and the Lover of My Soul. I was...ahem...am hurting, scared, and watching as life drearily passes by. True, by all other standards, I am "having the time of my life" right now. 20 years old and spending 6 months of my life in such a beautiful country with more time to get into trouble than to study. And if I went by those standards, I, too, would have to agree that this indeed is the time of my life; but you know when there's simply something missing...something that is holding you back from having your best life ever (no I haven't read that book).
That's where the Gospel comes in. Bored this afternoon, I finally picked up the book Ali had given me for Christmas, entitled "The Gospel for Real Life". I had started the book earlier in the year but for some reason for the past few weeks, stories of the Mafia (The Godfather: The Lost Years) and love (Immediate Family) had consumed my reading time. I hadn't specifically figured out my plan to reintroduce myself to God as His child who, even though I rarely get it right, was willing to try and try until I do. I figured starting to read this book again would at least give me the segway I needed. For as much as God had proven Himself to me as a loving and protective Father, friend, and more, there was still a part of me so scared to go to Him and release all my inhibitions. I have no doubt, though, that as the bond between He and I grows stronger, it'll be easier for me to see Him for who He really is. I opened the book and as I had always loved before, God had a jack-in-the-box surprise for me in there:
"Has it yet gripped you that when God looks at you today He sees you clothed in the perfect, sinless obedience of His Son? And that when He says, 'This is my Son, whom I love; with Him I am well-pleased,' He includes you in that warm embrace? The extent to which we truly understand this is the extent to which we will begin to enjoy those unsearchable riches that are found in Christ." --"The Gospel for Real Life", Jerry Bridges, Page 39
He knew exactly what I needed to hear. Not only that, He reminded me that Christ took my place. He took my place of condemnation, He took my place of punishment, He took my place of banishment from the presence of God. HE TOOK MY PLACE. Things hadn't been stellar but I still have my life. I still have another chance to make things right, another chance to find the fulfillment that only comes from being in His presence, the chance to surrender myself to the plan that is His Perfect Will.
So out of the shadows I crawl....nothing to have my chest stuck out for and nothing for which to be proud. Just humbled by the love of a God who isn't just universal but who is personal. There's no way anyone could convince me otherwise. "Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you is faithful to complete it until the day of Jesus Christ"-Philippians 1:6. His Word is His Word.
Encouragement for the people; flowing from a grateful heart to a loving God. JE VOUS ADORE.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
At least a girl has her dreams...
"...No one else can take your place. I've been in love before but no one has ever made me feel this way. No longer on my own, I'm never alone, because you're right here by my side [Jesus]. Lord, I'm Yours..." -"I'm Yours", Men of Standard.
This gospel song entitled "I'm Yours" encapsulates what I feel right now. You know how sometimes you just get stuck and you don't know how to make it back. You know God is loving and forgiving of you being neglectful of Him but you just....feel stuck. As I've been sitting here thinking the last couple of days, I've been daydreaming a lot. Been daydreaming about the past, the present, and what I'd like for the future. I have no idea what God has in store but I know that in my daydreams, I always end up happy. I always end up smiling and I always end up with that good feeling. Perhaps, it's because I'm getting the attention I want from the "right" people or perhaps because I'm doing something I've always longed to do; either way, the outcome is always happiness. That temporary feeling a of gratification that can be here one minute and gone the next. It brings a smile to my face and then when I come to, I realize that it was all but a dream. The smile, the fuzzy feeling, the warmth is all gone. It was made up, conjured up by my vivid imagination. Hitting reality again is sometimes the hardest part....going into the daydream knowing that it's imagined doesn't hurt nearly as bad as the trip back from the imaginitive recesses of my mind. Sometimes, though, it's easier to daydream than to live in reality, no matter how hard the fall back.
That's where the difference between joy and happiness comes into play. Happiness is temporary; joy is forever. Happiness can be taken away; joy can't be snatched. Happiness is what the world offers; joy is only what God can give. The trick is distinguishing between the two; and sometimes, I must admit, it can be quite hard. You see, happiness seems to come a lot quicker and easier than joy, at least for me. Joy is found through seeking God, something that I can't seem to get right a lot of times. Everytime I get to a place where I feel like I'm getting it, I get suckerpunched in the face and the lure of happiness creeps in. But now I'm at a point in my life when I'm realizing that I can't risk joy for happiness. His joy any day could outdo any happiness on any level. His joy is my strength. He offers this joy to me through the relationship He longs to have with me. And so now there is a moment of decision: His joy vs. my happiness. Well folks, it's a daily choice. Honestly, sometimes I pick His joy and other times I pick my happiness. But as I live and as I learn, I understand more and more that His joy has a lifetime guarantee and that in the end, it will be His joy that gives me the best life possible and the best rest possible at the end of it all.
I'm just learning to be patient and trust Him y'all. I may never get it right but He is right, He is truth and so I can firmly stand on everything He's said and everything He's promised.
"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through Him the "Amen" (so be it) is spoken by us to the glory of God. Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set His seal of ownership on us, and put His spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." --II Corinthians 1:20-22
"As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in JOY and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song in front before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of thornbushes will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign, which will nto be destroyed." --Isaiah 55:10-13
For the people: CHOOSE JOY. It'll save you from a bunch of ups and downs. Trust God and His plan; He'll never renig on promises and He'll never sale you short.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
This gospel song entitled "I'm Yours" encapsulates what I feel right now. You know how sometimes you just get stuck and you don't know how to make it back. You know God is loving and forgiving of you being neglectful of Him but you just....feel stuck. As I've been sitting here thinking the last couple of days, I've been daydreaming a lot. Been daydreaming about the past, the present, and what I'd like for the future. I have no idea what God has in store but I know that in my daydreams, I always end up happy. I always end up smiling and I always end up with that good feeling. Perhaps, it's because I'm getting the attention I want from the "right" people or perhaps because I'm doing something I've always longed to do; either way, the outcome is always happiness. That temporary feeling a of gratification that can be here one minute and gone the next. It brings a smile to my face and then when I come to, I realize that it was all but a dream. The smile, the fuzzy feeling, the warmth is all gone. It was made up, conjured up by my vivid imagination. Hitting reality again is sometimes the hardest part....going into the daydream knowing that it's imagined doesn't hurt nearly as bad as the trip back from the imaginitive recesses of my mind. Sometimes, though, it's easier to daydream than to live in reality, no matter how hard the fall back.
That's where the difference between joy and happiness comes into play. Happiness is temporary; joy is forever. Happiness can be taken away; joy can't be snatched. Happiness is what the world offers; joy is only what God can give. The trick is distinguishing between the two; and sometimes, I must admit, it can be quite hard. You see, happiness seems to come a lot quicker and easier than joy, at least for me. Joy is found through seeking God, something that I can't seem to get right a lot of times. Everytime I get to a place where I feel like I'm getting it, I get suckerpunched in the face and the lure of happiness creeps in. But now I'm at a point in my life when I'm realizing that I can't risk joy for happiness. His joy any day could outdo any happiness on any level. His joy is my strength. He offers this joy to me through the relationship He longs to have with me. And so now there is a moment of decision: His joy vs. my happiness. Well folks, it's a daily choice. Honestly, sometimes I pick His joy and other times I pick my happiness. But as I live and as I learn, I understand more and more that His joy has a lifetime guarantee and that in the end, it will be His joy that gives me the best life possible and the best rest possible at the end of it all.
I'm just learning to be patient and trust Him y'all. I may never get it right but He is right, He is truth and so I can firmly stand on everything He's said and everything He's promised.
"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through Him the "Amen" (so be it) is spoken by us to the glory of God. Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set His seal of ownership on us, and put His spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." --II Corinthians 1:20-22
"As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in JOY and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song in front before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of thornbushes will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign, which will nto be destroyed." --Isaiah 55:10-13
For the people: CHOOSE JOY. It'll save you from a bunch of ups and downs. Trust God and His plan; He'll never renig on promises and He'll never sale you short.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
GIRL, Interrupted
"Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." --Romans 12:11-12
People are quick to throw around that scripture "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought as a child...but when I became a man, I put away childish things." I think it's one of the most misused scriptures because people first of all use it out of context and second of all, many people who say that have not put away childish things. I capitalized girl for a reason in the title. One of the things I've learned during these last couple of days I took off to throw my hissy-fit (yes, I'm being ultra-transparent), is that I am still a girl. I am 20 years old so by society's standards, I am a woman. I am physically shaped as a woman. My parents acknowledge that I'm a young woman. I will be out in the real world in a year therefore I am at least on the fast track to womanhood. I am eligible to vote, go to war and by cigarettes in the US therefore I am a woman. In France (and most European countries), I can buy my own alcoholic beverage (if I choose to but I don't) therefore I am a woman. Addressing me as a girl wouldn't be accurate by other standards clearly. But what the outside shines and what they inside hides can be two different things.
I had gotten discouraged/upset about a few things that happened last week and I decided that I was going to just throw a pity party about it. That's a pretty girlish thing to do. I felt like some people in my family were coming at my neck about something I had done, I felt discouraged about the whole idea of the Bible Study, I didn't feel like the people I wanted to support me the most were there. I don't think I even once considered how God was feeling about me. Feelings from the past started to arise again....I thought that I was going to sink back into depression. I felt alone, even in the midst of others. I felt unwanted...and the more I "spoke" on how positive I was about this new breeze of self-esteem I've had as of lately, the more I thought about how circumstances did not change. Ok...so I have a healthier outlook of myself but still no one wants me. My thoughts were along those lines. Valentine's Day is coming up and as I was sitting there trying to talk others out of feeling sorry for themselves on this man-made holiday, I found myself thinking more and more about how I would not have a valentine this year YET AGAIN. My head was swirling....how can lies and truth dwell in the same place? They can't. Light and dark can't be in the same place. Where there is light, there is no darkness and vice versa. Subconsciously, I was so used to excepting the lies that the truth had no chance. I stopped trying to combat the things I was dealing with. I stopped trying to fight off depression and sadness. Yet, something was different about this time. No matter how low I thought I would get (and I've had some pretty low times in my life), I couldn't get but so low. I couldn't just sit and wallow. I couldn't cry. I couldn't feel too sorry for myself. Deep down inside, I knew I owed it to myself and more importantly to God to accept the truth. The truth is that He loves me. No matter how many times I reject His truth, He loves me. No matter how many times I speak words that my heart doesn't believe, He loves me. No matter how many times I'm unfaithful, He loves me. HE LOVES A.M.B. Today, that is the truth my heart is willing to accept. No matter what everything around me looks like, He loves me. No matter how family and friends may act off-and-onish, He still loves me. When I spit in His face with actions that tell Him that His love isn't enough, He still loves me.
And so now that I can accept that truth, I can be uninterrupted again. I can smile because He loves me and He has my best interest at heart. And with His help, I can truly grow to be a woman in His eyes, one who is growing up in her faith and not being complacent where she is. At the end of the day, I just want Him to be pleased with me.
Thanks for bearing with me through this point of growth. No doubt, there will be other interruptions in my life. But as long as the interruptions don't turn into vacations, everything is all good. If you're reading this, be encouraged and know that even though you commit yourself to God and to being a true disciple of Christ, that doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It doesn't mean that you'll get it right all the time. It doesn't mean that you won't sin and you won't get discouraged. It means that you have the opportunity to add meaning in the greatest way to your life by pressing towards the mark. It means that you have the greatest of opportunities because you seek to honor The Father with your life and you allow Him to direct you. It means that when you do come across these times of interruption, you have security system that allows you to reboot faster and come back stronger.
TO HIM: GOD, YOU'RE SO FAITHFUL. EVEN WHEN I'M SO UNLOVEABLE, THAT NEVER STOPS YOU FROM LOVING ME. THANK YOU. YOU ARE SIMPLY THE BEST. I PRAY THAT YOU WILL CONTINUE TO SHOW ME MORE OF YOU AS EACH DAY PASSES. I PRAY THAT MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL GROW MORE AND MORE. I PRAY THAT AS I BECOME MORE SECURE IN YOU, YOU WILL ALLOW THAT TO BECOME AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO BECOME MORE SECURE WITHIN MY OWN SKIN. I CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT YOU. I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE TO MAKE YOU SO PROUD.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
People are quick to throw around that scripture "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought as a child...but when I became a man, I put away childish things." I think it's one of the most misused scriptures because people first of all use it out of context and second of all, many people who say that have not put away childish things. I capitalized girl for a reason in the title. One of the things I've learned during these last couple of days I took off to throw my hissy-fit (yes, I'm being ultra-transparent), is that I am still a girl. I am 20 years old so by society's standards, I am a woman. I am physically shaped as a woman. My parents acknowledge that I'm a young woman. I will be out in the real world in a year therefore I am at least on the fast track to womanhood. I am eligible to vote, go to war and by cigarettes in the US therefore I am a woman. In France (and most European countries), I can buy my own alcoholic beverage (if I choose to but I don't) therefore I am a woman. Addressing me as a girl wouldn't be accurate by other standards clearly. But what the outside shines and what they inside hides can be two different things.
I had gotten discouraged/upset about a few things that happened last week and I decided that I was going to just throw a pity party about it. That's a pretty girlish thing to do. I felt like some people in my family were coming at my neck about something I had done, I felt discouraged about the whole idea of the Bible Study, I didn't feel like the people I wanted to support me the most were there. I don't think I even once considered how God was feeling about me. Feelings from the past started to arise again....I thought that I was going to sink back into depression. I felt alone, even in the midst of others. I felt unwanted...and the more I "spoke" on how positive I was about this new breeze of self-esteem I've had as of lately, the more I thought about how circumstances did not change. Ok...so I have a healthier outlook of myself but still no one wants me. My thoughts were along those lines. Valentine's Day is coming up and as I was sitting there trying to talk others out of feeling sorry for themselves on this man-made holiday, I found myself thinking more and more about how I would not have a valentine this year YET AGAIN. My head was swirling....how can lies and truth dwell in the same place? They can't. Light and dark can't be in the same place. Where there is light, there is no darkness and vice versa. Subconsciously, I was so used to excepting the lies that the truth had no chance. I stopped trying to combat the things I was dealing with. I stopped trying to fight off depression and sadness. Yet, something was different about this time. No matter how low I thought I would get (and I've had some pretty low times in my life), I couldn't get but so low. I couldn't just sit and wallow. I couldn't cry. I couldn't feel too sorry for myself. Deep down inside, I knew I owed it to myself and more importantly to God to accept the truth. The truth is that He loves me. No matter how many times I reject His truth, He loves me. No matter how many times I speak words that my heart doesn't believe, He loves me. No matter how many times I'm unfaithful, He loves me. HE LOVES A.M.B. Today, that is the truth my heart is willing to accept. No matter what everything around me looks like, He loves me. No matter how family and friends may act off-and-onish, He still loves me. When I spit in His face with actions that tell Him that His love isn't enough, He still loves me.
And so now that I can accept that truth, I can be uninterrupted again. I can smile because He loves me and He has my best interest at heart. And with His help, I can truly grow to be a woman in His eyes, one who is growing up in her faith and not being complacent where she is. At the end of the day, I just want Him to be pleased with me.
Thanks for bearing with me through this point of growth. No doubt, there will be other interruptions in my life. But as long as the interruptions don't turn into vacations, everything is all good. If you're reading this, be encouraged and know that even though you commit yourself to God and to being a true disciple of Christ, that doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It doesn't mean that you'll get it right all the time. It doesn't mean that you won't sin and you won't get discouraged. It means that you have the opportunity to add meaning in the greatest way to your life by pressing towards the mark. It means that you have the greatest of opportunities because you seek to honor The Father with your life and you allow Him to direct you. It means that when you do come across these times of interruption, you have security system that allows you to reboot faster and come back stronger.
TO HIM: GOD, YOU'RE SO FAITHFUL. EVEN WHEN I'M SO UNLOVEABLE, THAT NEVER STOPS YOU FROM LOVING ME. THANK YOU. YOU ARE SIMPLY THE BEST. I PRAY THAT YOU WILL CONTINUE TO SHOW ME MORE OF YOU AS EACH DAY PASSES. I PRAY THAT MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL GROW MORE AND MORE. I PRAY THAT AS I BECOME MORE SECURE IN YOU, YOU WILL ALLOW THAT TO BECOME AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO BECOME MORE SECURE WITHIN MY OWN SKIN. I CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT YOU. I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE TO MAKE YOU SO PROUD.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Grew Up a Screw Up....
And could never get things right. It seems like I still can't get things right. It's amazing how easy it is to get discouraged. Oh well....God is still faithful. My flow has been temporarily interrupted...be back in a few days.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Top Flight Security
Last blog of January '08. I look back at all God has allowed me to accomplish and it's just like...WOW. I look at where some of my friends are and it's just like....WOW. God's definitely raising up a generation that will obey, that will trust, that will love, that will honor. A generation who will not imitate the actions of the previous generations but will stand up for truth. That's encouraging, really encouraging.
This blog is not one where I have anything specific to speak on. I just want to write...and everytime I get this feeling, I write because I remember a time not too long ago when I didn't have the desire to write a sentence or phrase. I've just been having some random thoughts today....and I have to be careful with that because when I think too much, I become too analytical. I already know being analytical and being a radical for Christ don't mix...it's like water and oil. This is because as you begin to take on the mind and the ways of Christ, many things you may do will probably not make sense to the human mind. So, with that being said, I was thinking. And I was thinking about this surge of writing that I've had lately. And I began to doubt certain things like...maybe I use too many scriptural references, and maybe mine are always too long, and what if people think I'm trying to be "too deep". And then I had to stop and think....how can you use too many scriptural references?? The Word of God is what we consult for everyday things and to know how to please God. How can you talk about God and the things of God without using the Word of God?? OK. Second thing, maybe they're a bit long. This may be true (sorry, I can't help it). They're definitely not your Bible verse of the day or your Daily Bread Reading. It may take awhile to read them....but is that enough for me to shorten what I feel led to say??? My conclusion was no. OK. Third thing, what if people think I'm trying to be "too deep". Look friend (these thoughts were all directed to myself), truth is truth...if truth is too deep for some people who call themselves believers, maybe they should reevaluate where they are with Christ. I'm not saying (at all) that my words are the be all, end all but they are God inspired. Bottom line is: sometimes people don't want to hear (read) things because it brings about conviction (II Timothy 3). OK.
Now, nothing necessarily spurred these thoughts on but that's just the person I am, I think TOO much. I think for the world. I think until I become insecure. MAJOR character flaw....I know. One thing that I have to realize, and this goes back to the principle of my "Whatchu Lookin' At?" blog is that I have the right to be secure in who I am in Christ. I have the right to have confidence in Him and Him alone. "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised." --Hebrews 10:35-36. It's hard to be confident when you look at what you have/are. It's harder to be confident when you look at what others have/are. This further illustrates the point that if we look to Jesus, we have no need to worry about our confidence wavering. He is our confidence. He is our security. Insecurity has no place in the lives of believers. Ok...just had to get that in me.
In other news, God willing, I will be starting a Bible Study over here. Bless God! It started as an idea which I knew had to be greater than myself because I would have never, EVER started a Bible Study at home. I talked to a few people around here and they want it to happen, which is so encouraging. I have to continue to be prayerful about it to make sure that this is really something that God wants me to do. But I'm excited! So (if anyone reads this), please keep me in your prayers! I need them! :) I want the Gospel (the Good News) of Jesus Christ to be shared with people. I want people to experience how GREAT our God really is. I've come to the conclusion that the Gospel is still enough....aside from all the things people do to get people to hear the Gospel, it STILL has that drawing power all by itself. Thank God that I don't believe in something with diminishing value but appreciating value. Something that's SECURE. Top flight security!
Another blog for the people. Keep the faith.
"And since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our heart sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds." --Hebrews 10:21-24
Phileo love,
Ash B.
This blog is not one where I have anything specific to speak on. I just want to write...and everytime I get this feeling, I write because I remember a time not too long ago when I didn't have the desire to write a sentence or phrase. I've just been having some random thoughts today....and I have to be careful with that because when I think too much, I become too analytical. I already know being analytical and being a radical for Christ don't mix...it's like water and oil. This is because as you begin to take on the mind and the ways of Christ, many things you may do will probably not make sense to the human mind. So, with that being said, I was thinking. And I was thinking about this surge of writing that I've had lately. And I began to doubt certain things like...maybe I use too many scriptural references, and maybe mine are always too long, and what if people think I'm trying to be "too deep". And then I had to stop and think....how can you use too many scriptural references?? The Word of God is what we consult for everyday things and to know how to please God. How can you talk about God and the things of God without using the Word of God?? OK. Second thing, maybe they're a bit long. This may be true (sorry, I can't help it). They're definitely not your Bible verse of the day or your Daily Bread Reading. It may take awhile to read them....but is that enough for me to shorten what I feel led to say??? My conclusion was no. OK. Third thing, what if people think I'm trying to be "too deep". Look friend (these thoughts were all directed to myself), truth is truth...if truth is too deep for some people who call themselves believers, maybe they should reevaluate where they are with Christ. I'm not saying (at all) that my words are the be all, end all but they are God inspired. Bottom line is: sometimes people don't want to hear (read) things because it brings about conviction (II Timothy 3). OK.
Now, nothing necessarily spurred these thoughts on but that's just the person I am, I think TOO much. I think for the world. I think until I become insecure. MAJOR character flaw....I know. One thing that I have to realize, and this goes back to the principle of my "Whatchu Lookin' At?" blog is that I have the right to be secure in who I am in Christ. I have the right to have confidence in Him and Him alone. "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised." --Hebrews 10:35-36. It's hard to be confident when you look at what you have/are. It's harder to be confident when you look at what others have/are. This further illustrates the point that if we look to Jesus, we have no need to worry about our confidence wavering. He is our confidence. He is our security. Insecurity has no place in the lives of believers. Ok...just had to get that in me.
In other news, God willing, I will be starting a Bible Study over here. Bless God! It started as an idea which I knew had to be greater than myself because I would have never, EVER started a Bible Study at home. I talked to a few people around here and they want it to happen, which is so encouraging. I have to continue to be prayerful about it to make sure that this is really something that God wants me to do. But I'm excited! So (if anyone reads this), please keep me in your prayers! I need them! :) I want the Gospel (the Good News) of Jesus Christ to be shared with people. I want people to experience how GREAT our God really is. I've come to the conclusion that the Gospel is still enough....aside from all the things people do to get people to hear the Gospel, it STILL has that drawing power all by itself. Thank God that I don't believe in something with diminishing value but appreciating value. Something that's SECURE. Top flight security!
Another blog for the people. Keep the faith.
"And since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our heart sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds." --Hebrews 10:21-24
Phileo love,
Ash B.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Low Down Dirty Shame...
"So then each of us will give an account of himself to God." --Romans 14:12
Ok...so I know I'm not the only one who this bothers so I won't go on and on about it. Please don't mistake my uneasiness about our (we, the believers) comfortability with living in sin as judgment. But I feel that the topics begs to be discussed (as it has been). God has called us to do better and live better. This requirement has no title on it, no special positions attached to it, it's not just for church leaders and choir members; it's for everyone. We are called to be imitators of Christ (Ephesians 5), ambassadors for Christ (II Corinthians 5). So if this is the case, which I'm assuming we all know it is (otherwise I think we've missed the point of salvation) then why do we, as believers, live such sloppy lives? Now it's is true that all have sin and have fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3). But the Bible also says in Romans 6, shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? GOD FORBID.
I'm amazed everyday when I look at some of my friend's profiles on facebook and myspace. The saints are flickin' people off in their pictures. People have one sentence about God in their religious views section and then when you scroll down to their favorite quotes, you see every curse word you've heard (putting stars or dashes in stead of letters is no better, your intent is still clear). Or you have the people who love to throw around the phrase "Only God Can Judge Me". Even though these people are absolutely correct, they have NO CLUE (I don't think) what this means. The Bible says that "For the time is come for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And 'If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?'"--I Peter 4:16-17.
And so if this be the case, then why are we living lives that are super shameful to the name of Christ? In my life, I've acted a monkey many times. If you catch me the right way now, I still might. The struggle against the flesh and the spirit is ever present. We know that. We know that it is a continual process. The Apostle Paul summed it up the best (to me), in Philippians 3:12, "Not that I have already obtained all this (as described in the previous verses), or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me." This means it'll be a day-by-day thing. God does not call us to be perfect...true. But He calls us to a live HOLY. I believe that word is so misused in the Church nowadays. Holy isn't flipping over pews and speaking in tongues. Holy isn't rolling your eyes to the back of your head and being laid out on some church's floor for hours. Holy isn't even being in every ministry and committee in your church. Those things might be alright but are no indication of where your heart is in relation to God. Anyone can dance. Anyone can roll their tongue if they practice hard enough. Anyone can go to church and for various reasons not having to do with God. Anyone can cry during a church service if they think about life long enough. Emotions don't move God. Holiness (conducting yourself in a way that's PLEASING to the Lord, setting yourself apart and dedicating yourself to use by God, distinguishing yourself from the ways of the world for the sake of Christ) moves God. Our conduct moves Him. Our sincere and contrite hearts (Psalm 51:16-17) move Him. Peace among the Brethren (other believers) move Him. RELATIONSHIP with Him moves Him. It's time to walk worthy of the calling, friends. How can we who call ourselves the beloved of God, not even know what it takes to satisfy Him? I mean, that is one of things we're called to do. That's like me getting a boyfriend and endearing myself to him without knowing what makes him happy and also what grieves him. Let's not grieve the Holy Spirit with our conduct as Ephesians 4 warns us about. Let's make a concerted effort to number one--truly get to know God (not just know of Him, but know Him and know His character), number two--know what He requires of us and what He offers to us, and number three--let's be a people of change. Talk is always fine but it takes a bigger person to take action that will bring about permanent results.
"As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as He who called you is Holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am Holy." --I Peter 1:15-16
We (not just y'all...I am in NO WAY exempt from this) have got to do better. FOR HIS NAME SAKE. Let's be the difference.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
Ok...so I know I'm not the only one who this bothers so I won't go on and on about it. Please don't mistake my uneasiness about our (we, the believers) comfortability with living in sin as judgment. But I feel that the topics begs to be discussed (as it has been). God has called us to do better and live better. This requirement has no title on it, no special positions attached to it, it's not just for church leaders and choir members; it's for everyone. We are called to be imitators of Christ (Ephesians 5), ambassadors for Christ (II Corinthians 5). So if this is the case, which I'm assuming we all know it is (otherwise I think we've missed the point of salvation) then why do we, as believers, live such sloppy lives? Now it's is true that all have sin and have fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3). But the Bible also says in Romans 6, shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? GOD FORBID.
I'm amazed everyday when I look at some of my friend's profiles on facebook and myspace. The saints are flickin' people off in their pictures. People have one sentence about God in their religious views section and then when you scroll down to their favorite quotes, you see every curse word you've heard (putting stars or dashes in stead of letters is no better, your intent is still clear). Or you have the people who love to throw around the phrase "Only God Can Judge Me". Even though these people are absolutely correct, they have NO CLUE (I don't think) what this means. The Bible says that "For the time is come for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And 'If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?'"--I Peter 4:16-17.
And so if this be the case, then why are we living lives that are super shameful to the name of Christ? In my life, I've acted a monkey many times. If you catch me the right way now, I still might. The struggle against the flesh and the spirit is ever present. We know that. We know that it is a continual process. The Apostle Paul summed it up the best (to me), in Philippians 3:12, "Not that I have already obtained all this (as described in the previous verses), or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me." This means it'll be a day-by-day thing. God does not call us to be perfect...true. But He calls us to a live HOLY. I believe that word is so misused in the Church nowadays. Holy isn't flipping over pews and speaking in tongues. Holy isn't rolling your eyes to the back of your head and being laid out on some church's floor for hours. Holy isn't even being in every ministry and committee in your church. Those things might be alright but are no indication of where your heart is in relation to God. Anyone can dance. Anyone can roll their tongue if they practice hard enough. Anyone can go to church and for various reasons not having to do with God. Anyone can cry during a church service if they think about life long enough. Emotions don't move God. Holiness (conducting yourself in a way that's PLEASING to the Lord, setting yourself apart and dedicating yourself to use by God, distinguishing yourself from the ways of the world for the sake of Christ) moves God. Our conduct moves Him. Our sincere and contrite hearts (Psalm 51:16-17) move Him. Peace among the Brethren (other believers) move Him. RELATIONSHIP with Him moves Him. It's time to walk worthy of the calling, friends. How can we who call ourselves the beloved of God, not even know what it takes to satisfy Him? I mean, that is one of things we're called to do. That's like me getting a boyfriend and endearing myself to him without knowing what makes him happy and also what grieves him. Let's not grieve the Holy Spirit with our conduct as Ephesians 4 warns us about. Let's make a concerted effort to number one--truly get to know God (not just know of Him, but know Him and know His character), number two--know what He requires of us and what He offers to us, and number three--let's be a people of change. Talk is always fine but it takes a bigger person to take action that will bring about permanent results.
"As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as He who called you is Holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am Holy." --I Peter 1:15-16
We (not just y'all...I am in NO WAY exempt from this) have got to do better. FOR HIS NAME SAKE. Let's be the difference.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Whatchu Lookin' At? (Part 1)
Excuse the bad language of the title...it's just a common expression used that I think demonstrates the main point of this blog.
"My son, pay attention to what I say; listen close to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them in within your heart.; for they are life to those that find them, and health to man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk from your lips. LET YOUR EYES LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD, FIX YOUR GAZE DIRECTLY BEFORE YOU." --Proverbs 4:20-25
This blog will be focused mainly on verse 25....part 2 will deal with verse 23.
When I was younger (around elementary, middle school age), I had a core group of friends. It was the four of us. We went to church together; Barbara and I went to the same school in 8th grade. Our parents worked in ministry together. You could say that we were the best of friends, for the most part. What is very interesting to me is how at least once a year, the four of us would have this big falling out. Usually, it would start by one person saying something negative about another person in the group, and then the person who was told the negative thing would run and tell someone else in the group. Of course, by the time it got back to the person, the story had been misconstrued, pieces added and missing. Long story but I promise it has a point. I can now truthfully admit that sometimes I was the one who started the mess. Most of the time, it was out of jealousy. You see, I was the only "dark-skinned" girl out of this group of four. The other 3 were at least of a caramel complexion and were very pretty (in my eyes). I always looked at them and wanted to be their complexion, or wanted something they had, or wanted to be liked by the boys who liked them. It was always something.
So you're probably asking what this has to do with anything. Well, one thing I know I still struggle with and I know many others struggle with also is looking at others. It's almost like an unspoken competition. Will I look "fly-er" than her in church on Sunday? Is she prettier than me? Will he like her more or me? Does he write better than me? Etc, etc, etc. The list never ends. If you're sitting here thinking to yourself that you've never had these thoughts or similar ones, you're lying. Be truthful with yourself. Why do we feel the need, friends, to constantly be looking at other people? We look at others in comparison, we look to others for validation, we look at others for ideas, we look at others to see what not to do. We're so absorbed in looking at others and what they're doing and we're too concerned in how others are looking at us. It's craziness. Recently, as God has been pouring back into me my desire to write, I have been looking at other people's writing (as I would assume any writer would do...simply for the love of it). And I find myself sometimes thinking, "Lord, I can't write as good as ________." or "I don't have as much eloquence as __________." And then God has to remind me, "So He said to me, This is the Word of the Lord unto Zerrubabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit.' says the Lord God Almighty." --Zechariah 4:6. Any gift, talent, or knowledge I have comes from God. It is not for me to give it a value, it's not for me to compare and contrast my gifts with others' gifts, it's simply for me to use whatever He's given to me to His glory. If people don't understand or appreciate your gift, that's ok. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time." --I Peter 5:6. Whatever you do, follow the words of verse 25 of Proverbs 4, keep your eyes looking straight ahead. Don't look to see what BooBoo is doing....don't look to see what Pookie is wearing.....don't look to see how Pootah is writing. Just be concerned with what God has called you to do and who He's called you to be.
Last illustration (and I promise I'm done for today). I heard this from a preacher (I can't remember who. It might have been my Daddy. He says a lot of great things.). When horses race, the riders put blinders on the horses' eyes. The purpose of the blinders is so that the horses can't look to their sides, they can only look straight ahead to the course they're running. Since we, as Christians, are running a race, I would like to propose that we do the same thing. We should put on our spiritual blinders as we run the race. Only being able to look straight ahead keeps you from being easily distracted by things on the sidelines and who is gaining on you and what not. It allows you to be focused on the most important thing--the prize (Jesus Christ).
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." --Hebrews 12:1-2
Look at HIM. He's looking at you.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
"My son, pay attention to what I say; listen close to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them in within your heart.; for they are life to those that find them, and health to man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk from your lips. LET YOUR EYES LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD, FIX YOUR GAZE DIRECTLY BEFORE YOU." --Proverbs 4:20-25
This blog will be focused mainly on verse 25....part 2 will deal with verse 23.
When I was younger (around elementary, middle school age), I had a core group of friends. It was the four of us. We went to church together; Barbara and I went to the same school in 8th grade. Our parents worked in ministry together. You could say that we were the best of friends, for the most part. What is very interesting to me is how at least once a year, the four of us would have this big falling out. Usually, it would start by one person saying something negative about another person in the group, and then the person who was told the negative thing would run and tell someone else in the group. Of course, by the time it got back to the person, the story had been misconstrued, pieces added and missing. Long story but I promise it has a point. I can now truthfully admit that sometimes I was the one who started the mess. Most of the time, it was out of jealousy. You see, I was the only "dark-skinned" girl out of this group of four. The other 3 were at least of a caramel complexion and were very pretty (in my eyes). I always looked at them and wanted to be their complexion, or wanted something they had, or wanted to be liked by the boys who liked them. It was always something.
So you're probably asking what this has to do with anything. Well, one thing I know I still struggle with and I know many others struggle with also is looking at others. It's almost like an unspoken competition. Will I look "fly-er" than her in church on Sunday? Is she prettier than me? Will he like her more or me? Does he write better than me? Etc, etc, etc. The list never ends. If you're sitting here thinking to yourself that you've never had these thoughts or similar ones, you're lying. Be truthful with yourself. Why do we feel the need, friends, to constantly be looking at other people? We look at others in comparison, we look to others for validation, we look at others for ideas, we look at others to see what not to do. We're so absorbed in looking at others and what they're doing and we're too concerned in how others are looking at us. It's craziness. Recently, as God has been pouring back into me my desire to write, I have been looking at other people's writing (as I would assume any writer would do...simply for the love of it). And I find myself sometimes thinking, "Lord, I can't write as good as ________." or "I don't have as much eloquence as __________." And then God has to remind me, "So He said to me, This is the Word of the Lord unto Zerrubabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit.' says the Lord God Almighty." --Zechariah 4:6. Any gift, talent, or knowledge I have comes from God. It is not for me to give it a value, it's not for me to compare and contrast my gifts with others' gifts, it's simply for me to use whatever He's given to me to His glory. If people don't understand or appreciate your gift, that's ok. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time." --I Peter 5:6. Whatever you do, follow the words of verse 25 of Proverbs 4, keep your eyes looking straight ahead. Don't look to see what BooBoo is doing....don't look to see what Pookie is wearing.....don't look to see how Pootah is writing. Just be concerned with what God has called you to do and who He's called you to be.
Last illustration (and I promise I'm done for today). I heard this from a preacher (I can't remember who. It might have been my Daddy. He says a lot of great things.). When horses race, the riders put blinders on the horses' eyes. The purpose of the blinders is so that the horses can't look to their sides, they can only look straight ahead to the course they're running. Since we, as Christians, are running a race, I would like to propose that we do the same thing. We should put on our spiritual blinders as we run the race. Only being able to look straight ahead keeps you from being easily distracted by things on the sidelines and who is gaining on you and what not. It allows you to be focused on the most important thing--the prize (Jesus Christ).
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." --Hebrews 12:1-2
Look at HIM. He's looking at you.
Phileo Love,
Ash B.
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